Thursday, January 03, 2013
When I started to go to AA meetings I was instantly relieved for drinking and that was great although I never understood how it worked. It just did. WHat I had not expected was that I would also start to feel better on a daily basis. Again, had no idea how that worked just experienced that when I was attending meetings regularly, my mood was most of the time optimistic and calm.
And when I have stopped go to meetings for some reasons other bookings, short of time, did not think it was that important the first thing that happens is that I get a little uneasy. I feel low, I start to think "hopeless" thoughts and life does not seem exiting or meaningful at all. When I attend a meeting these negative feelings immediately goes away and I am back in an almost serenity...
So I have been becoming more and more low during christmas but did not at all connect that to the fact that I have been sloppy with meetings. Did not want to spend the extra gas money for going to town when I was not working, had other plans, got short of time... I did not go at all for two weeks, did get an Acoa-meeting in, but no AA.
Until yesterday when I forced myself to (although I did think about not going up until the last minute because I was running out of time)
And the magic worked again I felt a lot better and today I am again optimistic and feeling good about myself and the world.
It is rally odd that I keep forgetting this. Maybe because it is not scientifically proved, and that I canīt see a clear connection between the two. I donīt enjoy all meetings that much, there are people I have a hard time to stand, there are stupid things said...but nevertheless, I always feel better and more optimistic afterwards..
So I felt good yesterday - but I had a very disturbing dream tonight. Last summer a friend wanted me to take her to AA and I did. She stayed sober for a month or so and then got back to drinking. During the month she was sober we met a lot, me taking her to meetings and her seeking contact. But after she started drinking again we have not met that much, last time was at her big sisters funeral, in late october... and I dreamed that I met her and she was accusing me of being "Too much" preaching soberness and pointing out to her that she needed to give up drinking... very unpleasant and I wonder why I had that dream... I have been studying dreaminterpretation and know that my dreams are my subconscious work with problems that occupies me...it is just that I donīt know what this is...