So the last couple of months have for various reasons left me really feeling down. I have always had periods in my life where I feel down, usually for around a couple of months, not at the same time of year or anything. They usually follow success or achievement and I guess I just feel the anti-climax more than most people. I have always been a big goal setter, that's why I Sparkpeople was love at first sight (or should I say site?) As I said, the last couple of months have been not so good, at the time I blamed it on my financial situation but now I see that although that has definitely not helped, it was not the cause. The cause might have been feeling that I had reached my goals on Spark and had nothing to aim towards, I was a rudderless ship so to speak. I had no intention of relaxing on nutrition or exercise once I hit my goal but the low feelings resulted in a similar effect. You know when you're feeling like this you don't feel like doing anything, brushing your teeth? Is there really a point to all of this. (I did still brush my teeth in case you were wondering) I know some might say I suffer periods of depression but I don't see it that way, these are just my ups and down in life and I have to find better ways of dealing with them.
As far as maintaining without tracking goes, when I am feeling normal happy I can do it and I have proved it to myself before, however, I don't seem to be able to do it when these feelings strike but I also don't have the mental energy to track. A catch 22 that I have to find a solution to before I find myself in the same situation again.
So I have decided to track for a short while, just to bring things back in line a bit. Now I am the sort of person who others always see as strong and in control. But I know that my Sparkfriends won't judge me when I say that I'm not always that strong, I have my moments of strength but I also have my moments of weakness, I just hide the weak moments really well. Part of the strong front wants to hold me back from admitting the last couple of months have been terrible food and weight wise, and just OK (not my usual energetic self) exercise wise. But that would be cutting my nose of to spite my face. So here it is, I ate terrible, I ate for comfort, I hid food because I didn't want others to find out, I hid the wrappers in my pocket until I went out on my own to discard of them. BUT I have faced up to things, I stepped on the scale and it didn't say 'Get off you FATTY' It just gave me a number, it didn't judge me, just like my Sparkfriends won't when I tell you that I have gained too much weight and I need to work on getting it back off and getting my emotional self back in check. I haven't inputted my weight yet so I can't tell you exactly how much but I think it's around 10lbs, maybe a little more. For two months of comfort eating it could have been a lot worse and I expected to feel disgusted at myself to see those kinds of numbers. But do you know what I felt? I felt proud of myself for facing up to myself and my weaknesses and deciding to do something about it. So what if I have to take a few steps back, I stopped it in it's tracks. A few days ago I began taking out a few of the unhealthy choices, and the only healthy food I tend to omit in times like this is fruit, I love veg, but fruit takes a bit of work for me. As I'm writing this I am eating Greek yoghurt with mixed summer fruits :-)
I have a lot of this on my mind lately, one of which is about a blog I read on Spark about your limiting beliefs, well clearly one of mine is that I can't eat well when I feel down. but I have others too so I'm going to blog about those too so after my lack of sparking recently I will probably have a flurry of blogs to work this out. But one thing I am promising myself now is that I will write a blog at least once a week, that is one thing that keeps me strong.
On the home front, things are OK financially speaking for a couple of months, after my Jobseekers Allowance stops it will be a different story but we are trying to put plans in place to prevent it being too much of a problem. We also have big plans to build our own house and although it's unlikely we can do it anytime soon we are keeping our goals in site by doing a bit of research whenever we can. Things like buying land and the type of builds, where we'd live while doing t etc...
The best thing on the family side was obviously Amelia's first Christmas. I really didn't expect much of a reaction off her because she was only 8 months old but she seems to realize that something special was going on and loved tearing the gift wrap off. She had loads of new toys including a rocking caterpillar off us, a ride around ladybird off Nana and Grandad and her first trike off her Aunty (one with a handle for mum or dad to push her along until she's big enough to pedal) I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas and is feeling ready for the fun that 2013 will bring us. Happy New Year and Happy Sparking
EDIT: Just had to add, I have only gained 4lbs since I last weighed and 7lbs since my lowest weight! I can do this!