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I Did Ok... at Least for a While Today

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

This morning I had things to accomplish, some out of the house and a few inside. First thing was to call my Y friend and tell her that I had to miss water aerobics once again. Last night I sliced, and I mean sliced, my finger and this morning I made it start bleeding again; so, no pool with an open cut.
Next thing, I striped my bed. My son in law was supposed to come and help me flip my mattress. I thought that this would be a perfect time to change from my summer comfprter and bedskirt to einter since it is already overdo for changing. Then I got C-Clamps so that s-i-l could remove the mattress on the guest bed and I could repair the recently broken footboard.
All of this and no coffee yet! Got the newspaper poured my coffee, headed upstairs again and got dressed for the errands outside. Since I had to go to a mall to return something and pay a bill I decided to stop at the two banks nearby and the hardware between ther and the house.
With coffee under my belt I felt fortified to attempt doing the returns, etc. All was fine, Macy's is paid off, a payment made on the card that was the one I used for Memorial service and funeral home fees, then the bank where we were known to check to see if Ed's SSI for October had been removed yet and get acct balances for checking and savings. First mistake, the employees were all so glad to see me and asking how I was doing. They are so nice, so considerate, but when I tried to say that I was ok the tears started again. Why can't I even conduct necessary business without crying in public? Some things just need to be taken care of and if I am crying I can't tell people what I am trying to do or ask what I need to have answered!
Finally, I got the information, well, most of it, and I left. I drove to the taco bell next door, went into the ladies' room where I spalshed cold water on my face and got myself together, or so I thought. Off to the hardware.
I pulled up to the front of the hardware, got out of the car and went in to purchase a small bottle of wood glue to repair the footboard of my guest bed. I was greated with, "Wow, Ed gave you the keys to the car!" I was drivinig his sports car because it gets better gas mileage than my suv. Oh No! They hadn't heard and I had to face telling them that Ed died in October. Will I ever be able to do this without crying? The young man helping me was stunned and immediately told me how they didn't know and how sorry he was and put his arms around me and held me for a minute while I sobbed into his shirt! he was so kind and so nice and I felt sorry for him having to deal with this sobbing woman in his hardware store. I am sure he doesn't deal with that very often!
Got home and waited for s-i-l, and waited, and waited. at 6:20 I remade my bed and the phone rang. It was s-i-l with apologies and saying that he would come tomorrow. That won't work as my sister will be here; so, can't repair the bed and have enough time for the glue to dry properly before I would ahve to take off the C-clamp and I really do not want to have to spend time unmaking and remaking beds when my sister hasn't been here to spend a night in 10years. She lost her husband 6 weeks before I lost mine, we need time to be together, to share, etc. We will probavly cry more!
Well, at this point I again thought that I was getting myself together, stopping the tears on more time, and the phone rang again. This time it was from a collection agency checking to see if there was an estate that would be paying a bill that was in Ed's name only. Isn't ther life insurance? theman asked? No, you see, he had been turned down for every policy he applied for in the past 25 years and before that his insurance was through the companies he worked for. When they went out of business and filed bancruptcy he lost the insurance and his retirement! No, there is no estate. Yes I am the executrix of a non-existing estate. Yes, the court file no. for the will probate is-------! Yes, I am sure that you are sorry for my loss as you will lose 1140.00 while I have lost my life partner, my business partner, my lover, my best friend, the love of my life, one who, although wasn't perfect, was the best husband of any of the other men who are husbands that we know. I lost much more than you mr. Collector than most people could ever imagine!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon I am so sorry for all that you are going through. Sounds like you had a very emotional day. emoticon
    1880 days ago
    Tears are a way of washing away some of the sorrow. Dealing with the people (yeah, yeah, yeah, I KNOW that they are ONLY DOING THEIR JOBS . . . BUT really?), especially bill collectors after my son's death was HORRIBLE. Finally, I just started sending bills back marked DECEASED and when they called for Mike, I would say - "I am sorry HE is not home." - and then I would hang up. Every time the phone rang, I would start to cry again. The loss is horrible but when that loss is combined with all of the hassles of dealing with them was simply overwhelming.

    Prayers going out for you and your family. You and your sister will be a great comfort for each other. HUG her and talk until you both run dry.
    1880 days ago
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