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    NIKKICOLE83   19,664
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints

****trust me - THIS is why you should lose the weight: what no one wants to talk about****

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Wednesday, January 02, 2013

I was having a discussion with my best friend last night. She and I have been friends since 5 yrs old. She was always the girl that everyone wanted to be, even me. The captain of our cheer team and the lust of every popular guy. Now that we are 29, and she has had 2 kids and life has happened, she has found herself at 220lbs on a 5'2" frame. She was telling me last night that she seriously wants to change. She NEEDS to change (from her mouth). Because we are besties I got extremely candid about the difference between my life after losing weight. You are about to enter TMI ZONE so if you are easily offended emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

1. When you are heavy, you are limited to ONE to TWO sexual positions and girl on top is NOT one of them! We both expressed how tiring and hard it is to be on top and yet, that is what our men AND us would probably prefer and it just can't happen when you are trying to balance dang near 300 lbs on a set of week quads. It is like being on the worst elliptical ever the way your heart starts racing and I just wasn't willing to die. So I spent a many a night on my back trying to make the most of it. And God forbid he try to put my legs up, OH NO! That just pushed my belly fat into my chest and made it hard to breathe. Losing just 20 lbs makes such a huge difference in this department.

2. Chivalry is suddenly resurrected. You ever hear the saying, "Chilvary is dead"? Well it gets a boost of life support once you get to "normal" weight. And this doesn't pertain to your significant other, it is mostly directed towards strangers. Before I lost weight, men would just allow the door to close in my face if I was walking into a store or business after them. It was almost like I was invisible. I would say hello as I passed and get nothing back in return. Nowadays, I have had strangers (even women) wait to hold my door open. Basically, we are at a safe enough distance apart that I would not expect for you to hold the door open for me. However, time and time again, people not only hold my door, but they give me a smile and ask me how I am doing. Definitely didn't experience that at 272 lbs.

3. You get regular customer service. I don't know if any of you ever experienced this but if I ever entered a clothing store that was not for plus-sized folks, the little teeny-tiny sales associate would run up to me immediately, as if I was lost, and asked if I needed help. The look of concern they gave was really saying, "Do you know where you are at? We don't have anything for you here." I have even had them come flat out and ask me if I was shopping for a gift. And the OUTSTANDING customer service they provided just drew attention to the big girl in the little girl store and made me uncomfortable. Now I can go into a regular store and get ignored like everyone else! emoticon

4. Regular menstrual cycles. While it sucks to have your life-line seeping from you each month, it is necessary. When I was at my heaviest, I would have a period every 3 months. While it sounds good, it was nerve wrecking! I was always having pregnancy scares and when my cycle did come, it was like someone hack-sawing into my diaphram. Not cool. Having a period every month means more manageable cramps and no babies.

5. Cleaner panties. emoticon Yeah I said it. No one wants to admit it but the heavier you get, the more discharge you have. It is like the little dark secret but I always felt damp. I never felt completely clean. I changed underwear before bed so I would be fresh. Now, I don't care. My vaginal health is so much better and my panties are a lot less worn.

6. Since we are talking bodily functions and all things inappropriate, we might as well talk about body odor. Breath. Sweat. All of those things are just a little more pronounced when you are heavy. And 99% of us go to great lengths to make sure we are always fresh, clean and smelling good. But no matter how much you bathe, you can't stop the fact that we sweat for no good reason. That sweat sits in parts of our flesh that are not getting air, like under the boobs, the inner thighs, and it creates mildew. I actually was told by my dermatologist that the brown flecks around my bra line was mold. MOLD WAS GROWING ON MY BODY. You can't make this stuff up. You can get yeast infections anywhere people and it happens when you are obese. It happened to me. The good news is that it cleared up once I dropped about 15 pounds.

6. Ladies, you can wear less makeup. Now for some of you , this isn't an issue anyway. But so many of us big girls tried to hide our fat behind MAC Cosmetics and everything else Sephora could sell. We did it to prove to those who weren't heavy that we are not slobs, and that we too care about our appearance. We sure know how to pack it on ladies! I think I may have been the biggest culprit I knew. Once I started watching what I put in my mouth and drinking more water, my skin began to clear up and actually glow. I no longer needed highlighter and full coverage foundation. As my face thinned out, I began to recognize my bone structure. I discovered I looked a lot better with less. The funny thing is that we probably all look better with less whether heavy or not and we just don't realize our natural beauty.

Now losing a ton of weight also comes with some shocking side effects. I assumed that once I lost weight, I would have the body of Gisele Budchken IMMEDIATELY. Not so much.
What I did get was

1. A cheering squad. No, not literally, but if I jump high enough or move my arms fast enough, you will hear all the lose skin clapping against each other and it sounds like a Live studio audience!

2. Ugly feet. When I was heavy and lazy, I had one corn on one toe. I now have blistersm bunions and calluses on every inch of my feet. Before I was sedentary. Now, I have put so many miles on these poor little feet that it looks like I have traveled this entire weight loss journey barefoot! Whether you run, Zumba, or strength train, you will come to realize the importance of high quality, well-fit shoes.

3. Haters. Oh yeah. You thought you had haters before, well you ain't seen nothing yet! People love to steal your shine and baby, now you are sparkling! You went from being the guy or gal that everyone could rely on for a funny joke, or perhaps you were always in the "Friend Zone". Now you pose a threat because you look damn good! So the fair-weather friends give you half-compliments with a smirk on their face. Or you stop being invited to just hangout. Your success is making the insecure uncomfortable. However, your true supporters become even more clear and while your freind base may shrink, it is stronger than ever.

I still have a ways to go on my journey - 32 lbs until maintenance. But when I started this roller coaster ride, I never would have fathomed the way losing weight affected so many other aspects of my life. If you are just beginning or maybe you are losing your spark, just now it is worth it to stick it out. So many other areas of your life will change and it will be worth all the dark moments that you have to traverse to get there.

Good Luck Sparkies!!!


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CATNCAG 3/20/2013 10:12AM

    Wow thanks for your absolute honesty Nikki! Unfortunately I can relate to most of this! I checked out your Spark Page. You go girl!!! What an inspiration you are! You are so pretty & will make a beautiful bride!

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NASFKAB 2/21/2013 2:44AM

  it is so true most of it thanks for being so brave & honest

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IN102WIN 1/31/2013 8:14AM

    Its all true!! emoticon

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JIBBIE49 1/15/2013 1:23PM

    I'm surprised Sparks featured this blog in their Spark Mail, but GOOD FOR YOU. I have always said what my four grown sons have told me "Mother, MEN judge women completely by their looks." I've gotten Spark Mail from women telling me how WRONG I am, but nevertheless, they continue to tell me it is true.

Glad u r getting to your goal.

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EFFRAYECHILDE 1/15/2013 8:45AM

    Wonderful blog. Thanks for sharing. The hater part is so true, sadly.

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SERASARA 1/12/2013 9:10PM

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MYRNA929 1/9/2013 3:38PM

    Wow!!! talk about being frank. Thanks for being so open. I loved your blog. Keep up the great work you are doing

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DANCINGJONI 1/9/2013 2:50AM

  WOW Nikki. I did so love your honest and open blog and gave us larger ladies much to think about. emoticon
I myself have set a goal to drop 40 before 2014 rises, and I know I can do it because it is not an unattainable goal. We can BOTH do it. I like your humor and encouragement emoticon emoticon

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SARAL72 1/8/2013 11:15PM

    Amazing blog, and so true!
I see my issues in many of yours (and I have extra others indeed). But I must say that I lived in different countries as an obese, and I feel that people are much nicer here in the States compare to France, my country. It's probably because in France obesity was always a small minority of the population and even if it is increasing every year, the percentage of overweight people is much lower.

I had awful experiences in stores, 16 years ago when I started to shop in the sizes 20, we didn't have many brands offering those sizes, it was crazy expensive, ugly and even in those stores I would get the bad looks from skinny saleswomen. But hate didn't come just from strangers in came also from my own father and that was painful. Besides the comments each time he saw me (and I lived hundred of kilometers away, lucky me) he even pretended that he didn't know me once at a train station in Paris, because his "coworkers" were near by and he was probably ashamed. Did I mention obesity comes from his side of the family, and that it is actually in my genes, those very same genes he gave me??

But anyway, I must stop with those sad memories, and finish with what I started : you wrote a great blog Nikki, be proud. You were a good person before the weight loss, you will be the same good person after, with on top the wisdom that comes with every changes in life : it gives us more empathy.

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FITWITHIN 1/8/2013 6:50PM

    You hit the nail on the head. Great blog!

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MS_SWEETHEART 1/8/2013 6:32PM

    U GO GIRL!!! This blog is the truth, and you are my SHERO for being brave enough to talk about it. Just reading this blog should be enough motivation for us women that are experiencing some or all of these problems, to keep on keeping on. emoticon emoticon

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    Girlie!!!!!!!!!! This is by far the BEST BLOG I have read on SP!!! LOVED IT!!! You are freaking AWESOME!!!


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BOGUSANNIE 1/8/2013 1:09PM

    Well done woman!!! LOVED it...

I wrote a blog on #2...strangers are crazy different when you lose's quite disgusting really!!!

Great job on the popular blog post too!!!


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HARVESTMOM 1/8/2013 10:29AM

    sweet mother of god this was awesome!
you are so right about so many of the things that no one talks about!

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FIDDLEMOM 1/6/2013 12:38PM

    Love this! And thank you for being so open and honest. emoticon

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CYDNEYLEECH 1/6/2013 9:12AM

    All indeed good reasons for losing. Your candor is great!

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NIKKICOLE83 1/6/2013 8:04AM

    I actually caught that I misspelled it (among other words) but in an effort not to be completely perfect, I left it in emoticon

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HYATTI1 1/5/2013 11:14PM

    You have written a very extensive blog based on all true facts. Thank you for that...however I do have to point out one little flaw in your completed miss-spelled a word. the days of the week. Weak is when your energy is not up to par. You might want to edit it or not.

I loved the fact that you chose the first of the year to lay it out for everyone. However...I can also tell you that from 29 to 69 is a vast difference in age and one does not come back as easily as a 29 year old.

Have a great new year...and create some more ball buster blogs.


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GOLDEYGIRL 1/5/2013 7:43PM

    So I'm trying to reignite my spark and I come across your blog and Pow!.... Many of the reasons I'm losing weight! Thank you for reminding me why I need to keep up the hard work! Great Blog!

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WESTERNSAGE 1/5/2013 7:19PM

    Great blog, and I enjoyed the honesty. I've never been 200 pounds, but I've come close. I always thought people (sales and otherwise) ignore me because of my age (I'm 66). That's a good reality check for me.

One other reason to lose weight is that many of us chubbies develop sleep apnea, and you end up having to sleep with a CPAP or oxygen hose. It's definitely unromantic (can't snuggle or roll to various positions); you end up with a stiff back and shoulders because you can't move once you get into a half-way comfortable posture; and you end up with lines on your face when you get up in the morning, and they last several hours, so you end up with co-workers saying, "What happened to your face?" Embarrassing to say the least.

My doctor has told me losing even 15 pounds might let me get rid of that noisy machine. Talk about motivation!

Comment edited on: 1/5/2013 7:23:41 PM

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    I loved the blog, it so hit home. Being 5 ft 3 and 272lbs I know about what fat women feel and experience. I topped out at 317lbs. This was a humerous article about a very serious problem. Thank you.

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BLUEBELLGIRLS 1/5/2013 12:48PM


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DB1167 1/5/2013 12:39PM

    I love this. Some hit home some don't. Being a bigger Lady is hard! I loved how you put everything. thank you for the encouragement!

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MIAMI_LILLY 1/5/2013 12:32PM

    Loved your post. You put it out there, but most of us can relate. And with humor.

Congrats on your weight loss so far!

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NFRANCO64 1/5/2013 12:00PM

    loved your article! emoticon

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ROUNDTOWNMOM 1/5/2013 11:57AM

    Thanks for this bit of motivation today..........

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MBLACK59 1/5/2013 9:01AM

    EXACTLY what I needed to hear today after a night of Bikram yoga, followed by cracker jack in bed with TV. Today is a new fresh day and this was VERY helpful. Thanks for your candor, keen observation and humor!!

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LIFETIMER54 1/5/2013 6:00AM

  Extremely well said, thanks for sharing.... emoticon

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SHUTTERSKYE 1/5/2013 5:26AM

    this is seriously the BEST thing I've read in a LONG time!

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SMARIE591 1/4/2013 10:53PM

  I celebrate your honesty! You stated 99% of everything I've felt about being overweight, and was never able to explain to my husband. He is now reading this blog! Thanks!

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DUKELETO 1/4/2013 6:57PM

    Well stated!!!

Good luck with the last 32!!! emoticon

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LOGOULD 1/4/2013 6:13PM

    Thanks for your honesty, candor and humor!

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DEBRITA01 1/4/2013 6:03PM

    I applaud your honesty in telling it like it is... with a bit of humor, too. emoticon

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    I didn't think my discharge was weight related, this is awesome to hear because I have to wear pantiliners everyday! You've just given me another reason to lose weight!!! Thanks!

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HARRIET2 1/4/2013 5:32PM

    Love your straight forward honesty. I have plenty of those issues as I bet lots of us do. Your blog was stupendous!

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DANAPRIME 1/4/2013 5:22PM


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SIRENALEANNE 1/4/2013 4:59PM

    This is a great blog! I loved it! Keep up the great work! emoticon

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MELISSA19701 1/4/2013 4:49PM

    Awesome blog! Made me laugh and really hit home (in a good way)! Keep up the great work! You look awesome! emoticon

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WOLVENLIED 1/4/2013 4:45PM

    Thanks for this, I can really relate to the incident in the clothes store. I feel awkward being a 'fatty' in a 'skinny' clothes shop. This has given me more motivation =)

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BEACHMOMMY1105 1/4/2013 4:40PM

    I loved reading this!!

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DESERTJULZ 1/4/2013 4:32PM

    Dang, is that what those brown dots are along my bra-line? I thought it was a concentration of moles!

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CECISMOMMY09 1/4/2013 4:10PM

    Wow this blog is so true!! I always thought man does anyone else feel this way? haha thanks for sharing

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AEPHIDANO69 1/4/2013 3:48PM

    I feel like you are my blog sister from another mister! This was a great read, and everything said here is something I'm going through! :)

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RTHOM28 1/4/2013 3:35PM

    Honesty, I love it... thank you great blog. I have never been 200lbs but even someone with an extra 50 can get those same responses.

Not to be mean but my motivation is to walk through Wal-mart.
I don't want to be so big that I cant walk through the store.
I find myself exercising even harder & buying healthier food.

Comment edited on: 1/4/2013 3:37:37 PM

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LILY_SPARK 1/4/2013 2:32PM

    Sounds great! Congratulations.

When you hit middle age, some of those things will come back, even at a size 4. It's worth having no meds or surgery, though!

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TAMMIEANN76 1/4/2013 2:13PM

    Well said!

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HEALTHY-SPARK 1/4/2013 2:10PM

    Great blog -- thanks for sharing!

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KAREN_NY 1/4/2013 2:07PM

    Brutally honest and totally funny!!! Thanks!

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MANILUS 1/4/2013 1:45PM

    Great job on coming back a second round, me too! Hang in there because there are so many benefits as you said!

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  hahaha... This is great! thank you so for a great read! Very true points made and entertaining.

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