Wednesday, January 02, 2013
I have always been someone who loves planning and making lists, so every New Years I've made a list of resolutions a mile long. I have never ever succeeded at any of these resolutions until last year. As with most people, losing weight was always at the top of my list. I cannot tell you how good it feels to have finally accomplished a goal I set for myself. I am the queen of broken promises (to myself).
In June, something finally snapped. I was making yet another vain attempt at losing weight and sabotaging myself by binge-ing on pasta and ice cream day after day. I had cravings so bad that I could hardly function from the anxiety. I remember literally breaking down into tears, so angry that I had allowed myself to get this heavy. That was my breaking point. Nothing poignant, no health scare or embarrassing moment, just the realization that I was better than this. I had to hold myself accountable and come to grips with the fact that I had to take control and work harder if I wanted the dream of being healthy to become a reality. There is no magic pill, no magic surgery, no matter how you go about it you have to work hard and learn to delay gratification.
I am still struggling, especially over the Christmas holiday. I've not gained any weight, but I am plagued with the cravings I worked so hard to rid myself of. I see now how easy it is to become complacent and gain the weight back. The more I lose, the harder I have to work, and I know that I am worth the effort. I always hated the saying "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels", but I can tell you that nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels. It's about way more than looking good. I had so many problems with anxiety and sometimes depression and I always blamed the weight on the way I felt. It was the other way around- I was depressed and anxious because I was overweight.
If anyone reading this is just beginning their journey, I will make you a promise that I know I can keep. I promise that you are worth the effort, and I promise that you will feel so much better 6 months or a year from now if you commit to losing the weight! Make 2013 the year you kept your resolution:)