Wednesday, January 02, 2013
So the guy I was seeing is no longer in my life. I never knew heartache could actually physically...ache. Ouch. I've obviously broken up with men before but this one...this one was different. Is different. I tell myself if the timing had been better it would have worked. But really if he wanted to be with me, he would. I also tell myself that if he comes back in a couple months that I'll know better than to try again and risk that hurt. I know it wasn't me, that it's him and his need to figure his life out without worrying about a relationship but it still really hurts. Like knot in my stomach, can feel my heart cracking, want to curl up and cry kind of way. But I'll go stronger from this. I know that it'll get better with each day that passes and one day soon I'll wake up and not immediately think of him. I need to start focusing on bettering myself. Not for him or anyone else. But for me. I'm just lacking such motivation right now. I'm getting better about my food, SparkPeople is a BIG help with that (I've already lost 5lbs!) but I need to work out. Strengthen my body on the outside as well as in. Tomorrow I will do it. Tomorrow I will get up at 6am and work out for 45 minutes. Just once. To remind myself that it isn't as hard as I think it is. I need to remember how possible That laying in bed, feeling sorry for myself, heart and head hurting, eyes swollen, is no way to live. Being lazy isn't life. It's time to wake up.