Wednesday, January 02, 2013
I really wish I could do magic for real. I'd wave my magic wand and the pounds would just disappear. However, what I really want to talk about is the need I have to wave my magic wand and have all of me disappear, at least to those around me.
I'm sure many of you have had the same feelings I have right now. I want to be invisible to my family and friends as I start my weight loss journey. "If they don't know I'm trying to lose weight, then they won't judge me if I fail at it." It is the lack of confidence in my ability to not only start my weight loss journey, but to stick with it. I don't want that feeling of being judged by people if I flub something up.
I have known for a long time that my best support system is here on SP. You all understand the challenges that I face in trying to lose 200 pounds. And even though I know that my family and friends would also support my efforts to lose this weight, I still feel that their scrutiny of every action I make is too much for me at this time. I know what to do to be "perfect" when it comes to weight loss, but I know that I'm not perfect. I don't want people watching me exercise "ugly". I don't want people judging everything I put on my plate. These feelings have kept me frozen in place and it is time to start moving forward again. My word for 2013 is START! However, if I am to start out on the right foot, I have to acknowledge and deal with the roadblocks that have stopped me for the past few years.
Most of the roadblocks we see before us are only in our own minds. We are more afraid of what we "think" might happen than we are with what is actually happening. When I first started with SP, I didn't tell anyone for a couple of months. I took some time making changes and starting to see some successes on the scale before I had the confidence to discuss it with my family and friends. And after life derailed me and I had gained back what I lost, I'm finding it just as difficult to talk about what I'm embarking on in 2013 as I was when I first started SP. It will take some doing, but I'm confident that I'll get there soon enough.
So watch out SP! You will get to see all of me in 2013 -- my ups and downs and even upside downs! You will get to know about how I exercise "ugly" and about all the warped mind-games my brain can come up with. I'm not ready to confide in my family and friends yet, but I know that with time, you will help give me the confidence to do so.