2012 was an okay year. Nothing phenomenal, really. There were moments of laughter and moments of tears but nothing that I can look back and say WOW to. That is something I would really like to change for this year.
Ever since I was little, I was REALLY SHY and I would get anxiety. Basically, I was afraid of life & that fear has followed me. I try my best to push fear down but sometimes it can roar. I know a few things that contributed to it were: Living in an unstable environment to not being treated well by other students in school (younger -middle grades.) There was so much I wanted to do but I just held myself back. I would have loved to play Tennis at school or join a couple of clubs. When I say I was really shy, I mean terribly shy! I wouldn't even raise my hand in class because my heart would race & pound so hard & if I did get the courage to say anything, the teachers asked me to repeat myself as if I wasn't talking clearly. Teachers would always say I was so quiet and needed to participate. I *wanted* to participate. I just didn't know *how* to get my outgoing personality to transfer into the school setting.
To be perfectly honest, I still struggle with shyness. There are times when I can be very outgoing. When I talk to my friend who I met in middle school, I am the one who is talking the most while she is an introvert and just listens. I think it would surprise her that I get very nervous in particular situations. Having a lot of extra weight doesn't exactly help either. It makes me feel more self conscious but that's why I am here, right?
The last couple of years, I have been busy dealing with medical issues but now I would like to focus on a job. Being terribly shy makes that terribly intimidating. I am SO fearful that I will be judged about not having much experience like some of my peers. I am afraid to make phone calls. The thing is I know that If I never ask, the answer will always be NO! I am also afraid that even if I do ask, the answer will still be NO! There are SO many things I would enjoy doing and hopefully this year will not only serve as a stepping stone but a huge leap toward living life fully & confidently.
I just feel like I do have a lot to offer (not trying to boast) but I'll never have the chance if I don't overcome the fears I have.
I know it's going to be a struggle but I want 2013 to be the year that I really start living life and stop holding myself back. It's difficult when you are standing in your own way. I do think it's good that I want this to change. I know wanting is not enough. I have to DO to make things happen.
The idea of doing instead of hoping or wishing applies to weight loss as well. I know I need to do more and I will definitely try as hard as I can this year.
I am trying to remember progress, not perfection.
I hope you will also make 2013 your year of overcoming fears.
It's time to step out of the comfort zone so we can live the lives we have been hoping for!