I know the title sounds like a weird statement to make, but my body has grown so weak that even half an hour of shopping would leave my feet aching horribly by the time I come home and leave me debilitated for a few days. I am you could say, shocked, ashamed and frustrated that I've slipped that far!
But today I didn't have much of a choice. My sister gave me some very generous shopping vouchers at a prestigeous clothing shop, and with my job starting again tomorrow, and a year of unemployment, it couldn't have come at a better time.
So with a sprained foot, a bad knee, and the other foot threatening a flareup of plantar fascitis, I donned my sneakers and dared anyone to look down on me for not being dressed up enough for the shop I had to go to. These sneakers are the only ones I can last a bit longer on my feet, since they support my arch well.
Well the planned shopping trip lasted much more than an hour, as we browsed the shelves for clothing for both of us, I actually found some pants that made my plus-size look pretty descent. (This increased my feeling of "liking myself no matter how I look")
Sometimes I hobbled, but after a while... my sprained foot stopped hurting. It only started up when I sat down again.
Strangely, when I got home and took my sneakers off... the swelling that bothered me for 2 weeks - was gone! My feet still hurt a bit, but the swelling kind of made it worse.
It gives me hope! It means, if I just push a little through the pain and discomfort, I will be able to see some improvement! (The wild thought of attempting crunches even entered my mind!)
You see what really REALLY frustrated me beyond measure, was that my knees and feet got so bad that I couldn't stand for long or walk far enough for it to qualify as exercise. And I KNOW that exercise is a BIG factor if I were to get rid of all this extra weight. So I felt completely trapped.
The mountain in front of me seemed too high.
But 2 weeks ago I decided: I have 2 choices. Sit at the foot of the mountain, grow more and more incapable and die an early death with nothing to show for my life, or scale that damn mountain, even if it takes me only a few centimeters further a day. It would still be better than continue to sit at the foot!
I'm not going to "hope" I reach the summit this time, this time I will head towards the summit anyway - and the further up I can get, the better. I'm gonna really focus on one step at a time, one little achievement at a time.
Maybe, before I know it, I'll be looking back and see the beautiful valley below me