Wednesday, January 02, 2013
....which hasn't been the case the past few months. It feels good, though, to feel hopeful. It feels as though a door has been cracked open just a bit and the light is shining through that crack...just enough to make me hang on and be hopeful that all the things i have learned through Spark and on my own will finally come together for me and i will not only 'get it' but put together but live it.
Like so many folks, i have struggled with depression. I don't talk about it, almost as if i pretend i don't struggle with it, then i don't. It's what i like to call my "head in the sand" approach! What bothers me the most about depression, is that i know that it can effect others, like my little daughter and husband. I do my best to not let anyone see, not even them, that i would sometimes just like to pull the covers over my head and raise the white flag. In those moments when i fail, and they do see my struggle, i feel like i have lost hope. Hope that i will be a good mommy and wife; hope that i can beat depression's grip. It's the worst feeling of all, thinking you have lost your hope....because if you truly do loose your hope, then what is left?
I love watching how my daughter has hope. "Don't worry, Mommy! Let's hope that our plant will survive! Let's pray for it!" She will say this even as our little seedling plants are wilting to their death for lack of water because i have forgotten to water them in a week or so.. She is hopeful in God's promise. I honestly think that i have learned more from my little daughter than i ever would have imagined possible. I thought that i was to be HER teacher....and many times, it's the other way around.
This year, my word of the year is "HOPEFUL".
A hopeful heart doesn't give up.
A hopeful mind believes in change for the good.
A hopeful attitude helps in taking care of one's self.
A hopeful aura means that you don't give up....ever.
And so.....here is to a most "hopeful" New Year!