Wednesday, January 02, 2013
I mentioned to my mother this morning on IM that I needed to get up and run, make something to eat, and had a few errands to run before I take her to the doctor. Just conversation, you know? Her response?
"What for? You don't need any of that stuff. Running is going to kill you, breakfast can be just toast, and there is no need for you to go anywhere for anything today--it's too cold and you shouldn't be spending any money. Why do you waste so much time and money on crap that doesn't matter?"
I'm already scared to death to go too far away if something should happen to her. I'm scared out of my MIND to go back to school and not be able to get there if something happens or she feels she needs to go to the ER again. I'm afraid to not have my phone right next to me. I'm afraid to get involved in anything--work, grading, planning, a home project--because if she needs something I need to be able to drop whatever I'm doing and just leave.
So I said, "Well, we'll see." and haven't run yet, had toast and eggs for breakfast and am contemplating a quick run to Target. If I try to take her with me I won't be able to get half of what I need for the complaining she will do about the fact that I intend to buy it.
Is it like this with EVERYONE'S mother? Or is it because mine is older than most and I'm an only child? I mean I get that she doesn't feel great, but taking it out on me really isn't fair.
I woke up afraid this morning. I dreamed all night about coming home to my front door wide open...but the house beyond the door wasn't mine--some of my STUFF was there, I think, and my cats came out when I arrived, but the odd part was that there were people there telling me everything was fine, go on in.
I have no idea what this means. The same dream, essentially, all night. I don't know what to think, but I woke up very bothered...