Wednesday, January 02, 2013
2012 was a very difficult year. Between coming out of a year+ long depression, having a lot of pain (which I now know to have been a pinched neck nerve), having surgery, having my sister diagnosed and treated for breast cancer, and the stress and ramifications from everything piling up on me I am in a state of nerves, exhaustion and overwhelming chaos.
Over the next 5 months, before I turn 47, there are some things I really want to accomplish. I'm giving myself a 5 month timeline partly because two of them are much more limited in the time I have realistically to do them - one is a doctor appointment this month and another needs to be done, or at least a good chuck of, before Mid-February. If I can have all of them 100% accomplished before the end of 2013 then that will be good.
The first priority is to go to a doctor appointment on the 16th. It is with a specialist who tests for not only allergies but sensitivities and such. Iím hoping he can help to explain my constant fatigue and general malaise and treat me properly so I will feel better.
Second is eating right, drinking right (lots of water, not as much soda (which I donít drink a ton of anyway) and caffeine), and sleeping right. The sleep part is difficult. I have sleep issues (medically) that are not treatable (I donít get sufficient uninterrupted delta sleep) and intermittent insomnia issues. For instance last night I didnít end up falling asleep until almost 2am and then the whole time I laid there (or it seems like) I was in that half awake state where I knew I wasnít sleeping.
Third is getting my office cleaned up at work. It is out of control and, unlike my two bosses who live in chaos and have boxes they havenít unpacked since our move 4 years ago! I have to have ready access to the files so if they need them I can put my hands on them right away. We also have auditors (we self audit yearly) coming in February and have to be ready for them.
Fourth is getting a handle on my house. Itís out of control as well. I was very depressed for a while and basically just never did anything so Iím dealing with a combination of not feeling well, trying to recoup from being so depressed for a year and then out of commission from my neck for a year, and feeling completely overwhelmed, unable to accept (or ask for) help (except from two people who said theyíd be happy to help but wonít actually come and do it and are the only two I would let IN TO my house right now Ė mainly because Iíve seen THEIR messes and know they wouldnít freak out). I know the Fly Lady 15 minute rule and am (really am) trying to do it, but it is hard to get any ambition even for that.
I am going to have to set a schedule and STICK TO IT. I have a million excuses why not, but none that are worth living this way.
If I can focus on these things, my weight will be a non-issue. Right now itís difficult to cook, clean, have fresh veg, etc. because Iím I such disarray and am such a high stress level so these will be, I believe, key elements into not only losing weight but, big picture, being healthy and reducing stress tremendously.