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Losing the Battle while Cheating Myself


Wednesday, January 02, 2013

20 months ago I had my life going in the right direction.
Sparks help me lose 50 lbs and get my emotional eating under control and then everything when to h*ll
.
My youngest son was in a bad accident earlier and was now hooked on oxys and his girlfriend of 13 years was now on zany bars, blues and who knows what.and left leaving my 2 granddaughters (3 & 6) with my son because she said she couldn't handle them. (Did I mention that my son lived on the other side of my house so I became a sandwich.

CPS was called in and I was made temporary guardian BUT I had to leave my own home because of the situation . I moved in with my parents for what I thought would be a few weeks (turned out to be a year).

My Mom has COPD and my dad was in early stages of Alzheimer which was progress fast and 2 months after I moved in I has to find a home for him. My son went to court ordered rehab (14 months) and the girls mother did nothing that CPS required.

Next the judge awarded me full guardian ship and I moved back to my home....... which started showing signs of having a sink hole and we started going through testing. It was determined that I have ground movement (after living in my house for 20 years) and not sink holes so all repairs where my problem.

At that point the doctor was proud of me because I had only put on 18 pounds of over 50.

Now my son comes home and all h*ll starts breaking lose / 8 weeks after her comes home I realize I major emotional eating and adding bunches of pounds each week.

The drama still goes on and I am considering selling my home and moving elsewhere with my granddaughters.

I also realize that I am just going through the Sparks motions and cheating myself. Yes, I was reading the articles but NOT mediating and socking them in my soul as I once did.

Not only had I lost the battle but I was cheating myself and not getting a handle on my emotional eating.

Then I started looking at all my Sparks friends and seeing how many were gone. Then I realized they had not only lost the battle but instead have lost the war.

I've spent today cleaning out food (its amazing the garbage we put in our cabinets for the grandchildren) and starting to work on the emotional eating and starting to read and mediate on the sparks articles.

May you all will the war

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOTUSFLOWER 1/28/2013 10:15PM

    I'm praying for you. Thank you for the wonderful goodie and your kind words. You will reach your goals.

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KATHYM316 1/26/2013 3:25AM

    Well I just want to say that we use to chat when I was on here before. I stopped cuz I lost my husband and I have gained a lot of weight. But I am hoping that getting back in touch with the great people that use to be my motivation, that we can help each other again..

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DIANEDOESSMILES 1/2/2013 3:20AM

    HI Sweetie,,, you DO have it HARD and there's NO JOKE about THAT !!!! What can be done about this???

Heres my story,,, see if we can paralle a little,,,,, I lived in Maine,,,,my GD and I were together 24/7,,,, most of the time,,, her Mom was neglectful emotionally. So she was over to my place. Than one day, her Best friend who was over,,,,age 15 (GD 16) got VERY ANGRY at me,,,,it was silly) and decided to commit suidice there in my apt,,,in front of us both. it was very messy,,, aweful. She was NOT successful,,it was "more of a cry for help" for it was not enough to do as she wanted, still,,,,it was beyond shocking and aweful.

Th9is triggered my GD onto the road of her own depression and mental illness that VERY WEEKEND when she had been HAPPY GO LUCKY before it. She started to cut up upon her arms/wrosts,,,,,,not sleeping,,,wild swings. Than suddenly,,,and this scared the CRAP OUT OF ME ! Was a rare time at her Moms,,,came over to my place,,,,DRIVING HERSELF,,,,,,to say "I want to die" she had a plan. We talked it thru,,,she was DROP DEAD SERIOUS. Took her to the ER. that was the start of it,,, her Mom was TOTALLY SHOCKED..,.as said,,,neglectful. Had to catch her up;,,,, was NOT easy !!!!! Lots of blame al over the placeWhi,,,this is a lovely child,,,only child,,,we both DOTE UPON,,,,though she's been neglected emotionally from Mom,,,,,,she's deeply loved by her.......if that makes sense,,,,Mom had lost a chiod,,,,and this one had been in a serious accident at age 7,,,we almost lost her.

While going thru this,,,,another GS,,,,was moving south,,,,,,,I was deversated,,,,,,,,,y heart into a gazillion pieces,,,and of course with Regina also, his Momma,,,who's ex was literally trying to kill her,,,it was an emergency situation,,,,I was URGING HER TO LEAVE NOW !!! RIGHAT NoW HON !! LEAVE NOW SWEETIE beofe he kills you goth !!!

So that's 2 out of 3.

The 3rd? Well GS #1,,, has a terminal illness. Had at that point 2 yrs left,,,,leaving for Colorado,,,,, we all were living in Maine,,,,,all about in the same neighborhood,,,happily so,,,,very close. I couldn't handle ALL my family going,,,so I left with family #1 leavin to CO where I am right now.

So what do I do with the diet? Did I THROW IT OUT the window? I've LEFT my FAVORITE GD,,,the one I've been RAISING behind in Maine,,,,thousands of MILES AWAYS and UNSTABLE !11 I am SO SCARED For her,,,but yet,,,,,,,, my own health is extremely poor. I've got a neurological disease that the Dr's in ME can't decide what's going on,,,,I am still young enough to ENJOY LIFE IF they can discover WHATS GOING ON?????? IF ! So my Drs and I ALL (5 of them) sat down,,,,decided after a Stroke looking thing in July GO TO CO with the Fam #1,,,,,,,, and FIND OUT in Denver,,,whats GOING ON or DIE IN MAINE the NEXT TIME !!! DO NOT GIVE UP !!!

So here I AM !!! In a TOTALLY STRANGE City....one of CRIME AND DANGER ALL OVER !! I can NOT drive due to meds,,,,and my fam has a TONS of appts with GS all the tasweme,,,,,,,cos of his illness at a top hosp here,,,, TRYING to keep him as QUOTE and UNquote healthy as {Possilbe" and its NOT REALLY we slowly watch him go downhill,,,, he's 20,,,,, NOT much huh while his 17 yr old sister COMPETeS with him if she gets cold on HOW SICK SHE IS,,,,, GHERS !!!!!! She needs attention also,,,, SHE IS GETTING AIt,,,,wants MORE RIGHTFULLY SO !! hard situaltion !

so thats whats going on.

See we ALL HAVE CRAP IN LIFE.

WE ALL DO.

Yet, its how we choose to look at it.

For my GS will die,,,,but, I'll see him again,,, weve talked this out manmy times,,,,upside down and backwards,,,,, so mamy times,,,,,we have no more words,,, just hugs,,,,,,, he's been CHEATED NO DOUBT, but still I'll see him again and he'll NOT be in pain,,,we both live in pain rigt now,,,and "are in a race to see who wins first". Its a standing SIC joke between us" but we both understand it,,,no one does.,,,,well not the way we do. We r both ok with this.

Do I sit back and eat LOUSEY cos of life's problems? NO A!!!! There HAS to be SOME CONTROL in Life,,,,so WHY NOT over MY BODY where I CAN???? AND OVER LIFE as it CAN be???? Which means GRABBIN ThE BULL BY THE HORN and MAKING LIFE as GOOD as it CAN BE by LOSING the WEIGHT and FEELING BETTAH THAT WAY?????]]I've gone recently down again,,,I am SO )PROUD OF MYSELF since the move in Sept,,,, that shoulod of been a GAIN,,,with the MOVE,,,the UPHEAVEL,,, the MISSING OF GD,,,, AL OF IT,,,,,, having NO HOME OF MY OWN,,,loving with FAM til I DO, but NOT A!!!! I AM CONTROLING ME A!! WOOOHOOO AND I AM AWEFULLY PROUD OF MYSELF.

Hope this helps you hon,,,,, helps you see,,,, YOU ALSO Can TURN ARUND,,,NOT the STUFF {HAPPENING{ outside the body, but the STUFF you put INTO the body and how PROUD OF YOU , U CAN BE OF YOU !! WOOHOOOO!!|| START TO ROK !!

Diane,,,,, challenge Leader of the Spirited Under Dawgs

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