Well, it's January 1st. I came under my goal for fitness minutes, although the reality is I probably met them with my move. It was only about 300-some-odd that I was under, which would have easily been covered in the whole day of moving. That's like, what... 5-6 hours? Yeah, I started at 7am and didn't sit down until the drive home at 8pm, then unloaded the entire 14' UHaul when we got home at about 11pm. More than enough. I just don't care to track it.
I have yet to fully settle and unpack. I've either lacked motivation, muscle, or have slipped into a depression of sorts. I'm thinking it may be a combo of them. I did have a day where I didn't get out of bed all day- no shower, no brushing teeth, no nothing- just a few bathroom trips and a kitchen trip or two. I'm just already unhappy here. I'm glad I'm with my family and I care deeply about them and I know they need me here, but I'm sad that I'm not in San Diego, living the life I want to live. Doing the things I want to do. Having access to all sorts of products, businesses, activity, etc. I feel suffocated and confined here. And I have to just deal with it for the next few years.
That's not to say I want to let myself wallow in this muck and icky feelings while I'm here. I'm trying to put together a plan, however tentative, short-sighted, basic, vague, whatever it is. I'm waitlisted, still, for that stats class. I really hope I get it. I'm considering taking a Photoshop class because this computer will not support my previous photo editing program. That will definitely make it hard to continue with my food blog. Which I want to continue doing. Which will also mean doing a major kitchen overhaul in this house. I want to get a job. Somewhere. Anywhere. I want to get a car. I want to either join a gym, take a fitness class somewhere, or something! I haven't heard of anyone doing any boxing training in this tiny part of the world, which is something I've always wanted to do (just the training, not the sparring). It's too late now, but in summer I want to re-enroll in ballet and/or tap dance. And I want to go back to my old community choir. So, I've got things in mind to keep me busy and from completely falling off my rocker. Just need to implement these things.
There are several things that need to be done around this house, too. Everyone needs to get used to having more personal responsibility with the things that happen here. I know it needs to be done and will take some time to do. Just need to do it. Maybe formulate a plan for that, too.
I'm turning 30 on January 6th. Ordinarily birthdays don't bother me. I don't talk about them much. I don't care if my birthday gets celebrated or not. I don't care if I get presents for my birthday or not (usually I prefer NOT to get things!) This time, though... I just feel awful. Not that I'm turning 30. It's that I've lived 3 decades and I thought I'd be further along in my life than I am. I mean, I gotta say... it feels really terrible to be turning 30 and to have moved back in with my parents. To still be in school. To be single. To not have a job or a car. To not be independent. At 30!!! I expect those things in my 20's, but I definitely did not expect them in my 30's. I feel like a failure or a loser or somehow defective. I see people I went to school with who are exactly where I thought I'd be (maybe not the same job, but the same station or level or whatever). Living their lives, working at good jobs, and doing all the things I want to do, like travel because their job allows them to afford it. And to not live with their parents. I just don't feel like I've accomplished much, hardly anything I wanted to, before I turned 30. It feels low.
So. Here I am. Hoping to just make the most of things for the next chunk of life. We'll see.
As I previously stated, I can't do any photo editing, so this was all done on my phone, which is why it appears a bit pixelated. But, maybe you can see a difference in me? It definitely wouldn't have happened without Spark.
We always have family portraits taken at Christmas. I hope Christmas 2013 sees even more of a difference!