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Forgiving myself and moving on towards new goals for 2013

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

For the past 6-8 weeks, I have not been taking good care of myself. I've been strength training sporadically, and cardio has been non-existent. And my eating habits have been getting progressively worse. The result? I gained back over 5# of the 70# I lost in 2012. VERY frustrating.

The past few days has been me refocusing and getting my MIND back into the game. Because honestly.... each night for weeks I went to bed berating myself for the choices I made that day, wanting desperately to get get back on track, and just not having my mind in the right frame of mind to do it.

I do have some legitimate hurdles right now, but the bare truth is that I haven't been doing everything that I could do for myself. I don't even want to think of all the high-fat, high-sugar calories I have taken in the past couple weeks. But here is a life truth..... this is a journey, and ALL journeys have bends and curves. Sometimes you fall. The question is, am I giving up on myself, or picking myself up? My answer... I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back on the path of my journey. And to do that, I have to forgive myself for falling.

So I gained back some weight. SO WHAT?!?! I lost 70# this year. Obviously I know how to lose weight. I just need to do it. 5# will not define me. I know how to lose it, and I will. And I will continue on my goal.

Yesterday and today I returned to the gym, and returned to clean eating. Yesterday I filled a garbage bag of all holiday junk left overs and got rid of it. The only junk in my house now is in my 4 yr old's snack drawer. I spent a ridiculous amount of money at Walmart restocking whole, healthy foods. I took some time to make a crock pot full of healthy chili, and package in in 1-serving freezer bags (home-made fast meals), making the ranch dressing I love, etc. Setting myself up for success again.

Today I ran into my "trainer" at the gym (since my husband lost his job, we can no longer afford sessions with her, but we've become friends, and she remains my biggest cheerleader). We talked about where I am, letting the past month or two go, and setting goals for this year.

One of my biggest struggles right now is that as I've lost weight, my abdominal fold has gotten worse. (My highest weight was 420#, and I'm now at 245#... that's a lot of excess skin!) I've been dealing with increased rashes and infections. I have seen my doctor, and have an appointment with a plastic surgeon on January 21st. I am PRAYING my insurance will approve the removal of this apron of skin. It's to the point that I had to stop jogging because it moves so much that it causes excruciating back pain. I can only do about 20 hard minutes on the elliptical or treadmill before the back pain sets in from having so much weight hang. I am supplementing on the stationary bike, but it's difficult. Even now, my back is aching from my 40 minutes of cardio this morning. I've tried the support aids and am to the point that only surgery will fix this. I am humiliated by this... because it is a result of the abuse I have done to my body. It is the result of my choices.

So my dear Sarah (trainer) and I talked about goals for 2013. My goal on January 3rd last year, the day I first went to the gym and met her, was to lose 70# before December 31st. I met that goal. Time to set some new ones.
Goal #1: Address the apron of skin/ back pain issues.
Goal #2: Get UNDER 200# (Sarah's goal for me is 185#.. that sounds like a fairytale to me right now, but I'll work towards it!)
Goal #3: Continues staying fit, active, and HEALTHY! At my last doctors' appointment, my doctor could barely hear my heart murmur... it's actually healing as my heart strengthens!!!

So.... here's to my achievements in 2012, and proving to myself that I CAN DO THIS! And here's to moving past the bumps in the road to meet my new goals!

Happy New Year!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Yay Yay Yay for you!

    You're success is not a single day or a single month - it's a lifetime of living - so happy for you.
    1895 days ago
    Fabulous! You are an inspiration! It may be redundant, but keep up the good work. Strength training can do wonders when you can't get the cardio in...II should take some of my own advice!

    here's to an amazing 2013 in which you will be under 200 pounds!! Doesn't that sound fabulous!
    1900 days ago
    A New Year, and some great new goals. You have come a long way, and are really on the right track.
    You're going to be just fine!

    1900 days ago
    I'm glad you made your goal for last year and are working toward another set. I hope to hear how you reach those goals on Sparkpeople.
    1900 days ago
  • SWAN47
    I like your goals too! I hope your insurance will cover your surgery as it is needed. I'm glad your back on track. Most of us have times when we slip and 5lbs is minor. I know it's frustrating to have to lose the weight again but don't beat yourself up. Learn from it and move on. You are worth all the effort you've put into losing the 70lbs this last year. Just think what you will achieve in 2013. Many blessings to you this year! Thanks for reading my blog. emoticon
    1901 days ago
    You have done so well and only gaining back five pounds is nothing in comparison to what you lost.
    Just get back on track and remember how you feel when you get on that scale and see the numbers go lower. You can do this.
    Thank you for the new photo you both look so happy.
    1901 days ago
    emoticon I hope your insurance come through for you! Way to go to get yourself back on track.
    1901 days ago
    You really rocked 2012. Here's to an even better 2013. Hope your insurance will pay for the surgery. You deserve it. emoticon
    1901 days ago
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