Tuesday, January 01, 2013
I have attempted this so many times only to find that I have once again failed. I stood naked in front of the mirror last nite looking at what I had let myself become. It was hard. The depression deepened and I realized only I could change what I have done to myself.
I am this strong independent woman at work. I am the "go to" girl for everything and can solve all the problems. Why is it so hard for me to do this? Where is that button that I can push and put me on the successful path with this? I have always succeeded with most things I have tried in my life. There have been several failures but I am on of those that gets back up, dust off the dirt and puts one foot in front of the other and moves on. I am not one of those that looks back, always looking forward ready to try new things, excited for change.
Yes, I know there is some depression in the mix. No, I am not on medication for it. There are days that I am just numb. Most people on the outside, including my husband doesn't have a clue.
I know I can do this. I have done it once before. I even kept it off for 10 years. Yes, I can look back and see where it all fell apart. Have I done anything about it? There have been many attempts only to end up in failure.
Not this time. I don't want to enter my golden years as a couch potato with a handful of health problems as I know that is where I am headed if I don't make the changes now. Not in only my weight loss but with my attitude and the whole approach to the life I live.
I think I finally seen the light, or at least the seed was firmly planted this time when my family went to the Smokey Mts. in October and they all went horseback riding and I stayed on the sidelines because the weight limit for the horses was 225. WTH???? You grew up on horses Cindy!! We have decided that we had such a good time that it would become a yearly thing since we are scattered all over and would be a week out of the year that we can all be in one place. I WILL be on that horse next year.
I know I need lots of self support and support of others in order to make this change start and stick. I know how to do this. I know what it takes to keep it off.