Monday, December 31, 2012
Not for myself but for my mother.
As the year ends I have a such a heavy heart, but also a renewed hope. After seeing mom today, I realized just how the cancer and the chemo has weakened her body so much, it just breaks my heart. Today was different than most days. I've never seen her this weak. I think she let her "guard" down and allowed me to see just how weak she is. She is so brave, braver than I would be. She has lost over 25 lbs in 4 months. Her taste for food is almost non-existent so she doesn't eat very much so when she does eat it's only a bite or two. Her nose bleeds every few days...a lot. She has one more treatment before her next PET scan, but l have faith in the Lord for healing and that the scan will show that the chemo is working as it did on the last one. The doctor said if it does show remarkable improvement as before, then he may start a maintenance program for every 3 months instead of every week. (Since the cancer is in her lungs, a spot on her liver and in her upper spine, the doctor said the chemo won't "cure" it, but possibly slow it down, to give her maybe 5 extra years with us, with treatment.) I know she is tired of being tired and weak. She has had such a rough time of keeping her platelets and her red & white blood counts up. She has had to have 4 units of blood as well as protein platelets and an iron infusion in the last 2-1/2 months. The Lord is good and still in the healing business. I also know He does things in His time, not mine. I pray He will give her the healing she needs as well as comfort and strength to get through this. I pray for my dad for he is the main care-giver, he too needs strength and comfort to get through this. I pray, because that's all I can do. I can't take the cancer away from my mother, if it were possible I would have already done it. I can't give her an appetite or make food taste right. I can't give her strength, but I can pray, so I do.
Praying 2013 will be a better and healthier new year for everyone!