Monday, December 31, 2012
The last day of 2012 proved a good day. The sugar levels are going down, my infection is visibly getting better, I tripled my workout time over yesterday, and I committed myself to the January Jumpstart Challenge.
If you have read previous years of my blog, you know that I was a candidate for weight loss surgery. I'm too close to the low end of the BMI requirements. I qualify, but a ten pound loss would unqualify me. I met with a dietitian during my absence from SP, and she would have been my dietitian if I got the surgery, and she thought I would do better with a strict diet over surgery. We met for nearly six months before she came to this recommendation. In fact, she told me I was one of her most open minded and educated (regarding nutrition) patients she has had in years. I told her about SP, and I owe a lot of what I went in knowing to the SP articles and blogs.
Much of my difficulties related to weight loss has been related to my medical issues, and side effects from medications. And many of my health problems become compounded by being obese.
It was an unplanned visit to my doctor on Christmas Eve day because I was having trouble swallowing and breaking out in a horrible rash that slapped me in the face. It seems that I was experiencing a body wide yeast infection, inside and out. Diabetics can get this if their sugars are high because the excess sugar acts as fuel for the yeasties.
I have to take an oral med 4 times a day, 3 different skin creams, and of course it is critical to get the sugar levels down. It can take a month to heal. But the real eye opener is when the Doctor said "you're at your lowest weight in ten years." I knew I was losing weight because my wedding ring fell off, but with no scale at home, I depend on dr visits to get weighed.
The next day my mom mentioned my ring was missing, when I told her why she responded "just get it resized." My response was "why bother? I'll gain it back when I'm well again." Saying it out loud, and her stunned response, made me realize that I don't have to gain the weight back. I felt at that moment that I was given an ace in a hand of deuces.
I AM AT THE LOWEST WEIGHT I HAVE BEEN AT IN TEN YEARS!
That means that every pound I lose from this point on is my lowest weight in a decade. Every pound lost breaks a new record. This means that this is the smallest my husband has seen me at. I was ten pounds heavier than this when we met. Every pound I lose brings me closer to leaving the 200s, I'm only about 20 pounds away now.
So I celebrate my awakening today. I am worth it! We are all worth it! We do not have to be defined by our past mistakes, but we need to learn from them and embrace an opportunity when it is afforded to us. We need to be kind to ourselves and take care of the one body we have. Our illnesses are warnings, telling us what we need to change. I need to forgive myself so I can heal myself.
Go in peace during 2013.