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    SARABENGSCH   37,789
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Year 1 Day 101 (Day 466)

Monday, December 31, 2012

So many things have happened over the past week and I have just been too busy to write about them. But I'll go into all of those things later.

I read a post on a weight loss forum and I saw just how much we (especially women) compare ourselves to others. A 19 year old girl who has lost 100 pounds was saying just how big her hips are (39 inches). Personally, I don't think that to be very large and many other people who commented shared in my thoughts. But I decided to go to this girls profile and do some research. I wanted to see where she was in her weight loss and where she started. She had written on her profile that when she started, she was wearing the same size pants that I wore when I started. So I have a general idea of where her hip size started, probably not far from where I started. I completely understand where she is coming from; we all compare ourselves to other people and believe that certain body parts to too big or too small. What we have is never enough most of the time. This fact makes me so sad, probably because I see it in myself way too often. Even when with my fiancť, he will tell me how beautiful I am and in my mind I am comparing myself to other women and thinking that he may love me more if I looked more like them. But it's so stupid, he fell in love with me, even though I weigh what I do. And this is even more why I am trying to work on my self-image, no matter what weight I am. Because if I can't love myself now, how will I love myself when I am thinner? And hey, I'm not looking to be thin, I'm looking to be healthy; there's a major difference.

I had been doing really well with my Couch to 5K program, but Iíve gotten sick and that has set me back. Before I started, I wasn't really doing much exercise, just light walking. But now (before I got sick) Iím walking at least 4 days a week and going at least 1 mile every day, typically more than that though. In 3 short weeks, I will be at 3.1 miles or a 5K :) After I achieve that, I will begin working on decreasing my 5K time. I am sure that I will have a long way to go because it took me over 30 minutes to walk 1.75 miles. But I will achieve my goal of a 5K in under 30 minutes; I just need to work hard for it.

We had a huge snow storm last week; we ended up getting 20.5 inches and then a few days later we got about 3 or 4 more inches. Honestly, I hate this weather and sadly my love is jealous that he doesn't have the snow. I think he's crazy, but I still love him very much. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt though because he is from a country where they don't often get snow. He is way too excited to come here so he can have snow every winter instead of the high 60's, low 70's weather they are having. I would gladly switch weather with him though, 60's and 70ís sound wonderful right about now.

I was freakishly stressed out one day last week. My fiancť and I were in a huge argument mostly because being so far apart is getting harder and harder each day. We just want to be together more than anything and it's so hard without each other. It got to be really bad at one point and his internet kept on turning off (it does that quite often) and that just made everything even worse. But when I woke the next morning, we talked it all through and everything is back to normal now. These types of arguments just show me how much we want to be together and that we can work through the tough times together. I love that man more and more every day, I can't wait to spend my life with him.

I have been doing horribly with my eating and exercise the past week. It makes me even madder because I had been doing so well, but it is what it is and all I can do is get back on track. This week and this weather is making it even worse. Let me do a little explaining, this past week has been crazy, very much unscheduled. Because of your big snow storm my mom was off work the Thursday and Friday before Christmas vacation. Having people around constantly is making it more difficult to get into my workout routine. Plus it has been so cold here lately, and my joints are disliking it greatly. So even when I have an opportunity to work out, I am hurting too much to do anything. But I started taking some vitamin D, so I am hoping that will help with the pain. It won't be warming up anytime soon, but what do you expect living in Wisconsin? And now Iíve got a sinus and upper respiratory infection, but Iím on some antibiotics so hopefully all of this will clear up within the next week or so.

Tomorrow (January 1st) I'm starting the 30 day shred, I've heard that it's a pretty tough workout but that many people have gotten really great results from it. So I am hoping it will kick start my weight loss for the year and help me lose some inches. Iím even more nervous about it now because of my sickness but Iím going to give it a go tomorrow. We will see how it goes and Iíll do modifications if needed. I am also thinking about joining a challenge for January as well, Iíve got to kick my butt into gear and get into a workout routine. 2013 will be my year to make big changes in my life, my fiancť and I will finally be together (as long as everything goes as planned), I will make a large dent in my weight loss goals, and I will continue to work on myself emotionally.

I am hoping to be able to get my visa by sometime in February and then be able to head over to be with my love after that. Being with him cannot come soon enough. This time of year doesn't make things any easier, its Christmas time and his birthday soon and that just makes it harder. Every time Abid and I talk, I see the pain in his eyes because we couldn't be together for Christmas and his birthday. Not only that but just because we want to be together every day. It kills me inside when I see that look in his eyes, because I know that it's my fault.

I did get the nicest compliment from my future mother-in-law a few days ago; she came on Skype while I was talking to Abid. And she told me that it looks like I've lost weight since the last time we spoke. It was a much needed compliment because I haven't been able to work out much lately and my diet has been off. But anyways, it is Abidís 24th birthday tomorrow and I really wish that I could be there celebrating with him. Heís so sweet though, heís going to be on Skype with me while he and his family celebrates. Abid wants to make sure that I feel included in his celebration, just another reason why I love him so much. Today I have been in the process of writing Abid something for his birthday, since we canít be together. Itís nothing big but I just wanted to do a little something for him.

But I suppose, I should continue working on my gift for Abid. So until next time.

~Sara~
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