Monday, December 31, 2012
Ok. well this is my New Year blog but also one of reflection!
I have been thinking a lot about a resolution. Not that I keep them, but decided this year I need to keep making changes. I've been doing a little over time to get myself in order. Quit smoking 3 years ago which really wasn't a resolution at all, but just kind of happened. Same with my journey. Not really a resolution 3 years ago but after some deep consideration realized I didn't want to be the blob that couldn't walk when I was 50. So this year I know that I will still be working on my personal journey to better health and hopefully a tad smaller as time goes by. I don't really need a resolution to do that, it's just going to be an extension. But what I do want to resolve in my life this year is my clutter.
A little back ground. I used to work for Children's Protective Services. Yes I saw a lot and a lot of really dirty icky houses. Just like on TV!! My house is NOT like that. It is lived in. But as time goes on I have realized I do not really like getting rid of "stuff". Instead of disposing of stuff I move it to another location and forget about it. Well my other locations are beginning to be over come by stuff. I have one room, more then one closet, and drawers of stuff. Oh and a garage full! I don't buy new stuff so I'm not usually adding to the rooms, drawers ect...but I avoid what I have already accumulated!!
So I mentioned to my BF last week what I thought I would try to accomplish. Mind you he moves stuff and doesn't do much with it either. But he blames me for the accumulation. Anyway, he failed at Christmas this year..his words not mine. So to make up for it he said he would clean the house and do my laundry. Which is actually my dream gift anyway. He started out last week doing a bit here and there. Friday he seemed really happy about something. Said he had been working on it all day and hoped I liked it. What was he doing??? Cleaning MY closet!! Ok, this has me freaked out!! I appreciate what he was trying to do but actually hated it! Hate that he went through my stuff and threw things out that he deemed unneccessary. Says it was trash but really not sure it all was.
So now I have a clean closet but I hate it. Part of what I need to do is go through everything and deal with it all. I am a procrastinator. I am a clutterer. I need to take charge of that. But having someone do it for me is not what I want. And I feel a bit violated. Now not sure this is rational. Maybe I should be much happier about what he did. But you know there was normal every day cleaning that needed to be done that I thought he was doing but he instead decided it was ok to go into my space and clean it out. BTW...he got mad at me for not being super excited about his "gift".
I started to but then didn't go through all the stuff he cleaned out and threw away. AT this point I'm just hoping he didn't throw away anything I would need. And he probably didn't. I am going to pick something a week and work on it slowly but surely. It might take me forever and it won't be on his speed for sure. But it is the only thing I can do. To say I'm going to do it all in a week or a month would be setting me up for failure. I know I have things that have to be dealt with that I have avoided. It will all be part of the process. But it has to be on my time and no one else's! I should have never said my resolution out loud...sets you up every time. Or other people expect more from you because of it!
Anyway, thanks for reading and letting me ramble. As you can see it is a big deal for me. But I think for me to be healthy eventually all of this has to be dealt with and taken care of. It is an extension of me!!
You all have a Great New Year!!!