Monday, December 31, 2012
I may have a bad knee, am really oveweight at present and have trouble staying motivated but I have determined what I really am inside, inspite of the outward appearance: an athlete! I want to copy my friend Monida who has RA and who competes in the Senior Olympics. She only started riding bikes later in life. OMG. I have no excuse! I went today to the outdoors store where Patrick did NOT laugh at the idea of me having a bike to race, Edith who did NOT laugh at the idea of me race walking and Ronnie who did NOT laugh at the idea of me hiking to get to good fly fishing spots. I guess the only one who thinks this is odd is my son and DIL - my daughter and her husband think it's great for me to really pursue what I love and WHERE I want to do it.
This gives me an overall goal...to transform my everyday mentality from "I've settled" and "I'm too old" to "in training" and "this is the real me" - and I already have a YMCA membership and a good schedule beginning 1/5 so I have no reasons not to do this. I can work around the limitations of my kneecap issue since I can't afford to get it surgically fixed - if that would even really help. I think removing weight will do as much.
I had to let go of the idea that I was working out and making my ex proud. It was 3 years ago today that he decided he didn't want me with him anymore - and I was 75 pounds lighter. Depression and not wanting to workout without his approval just made me fill the empty void with eating. Coupled with the injuries to my foot and this summer to my knee kept me from really working out - but I think the majority of it was mental. I have peeled away the layers, forgven him, forgiven myself and can now exercise and train without wondering if anyone but me will be proud of the results.
Who knows what I'll discover next about myself?