Reflecting on this year....
Monday, December 31, 2012
Well, this year wasn't my best as far as taking care of myself - I was a literal rollercoaster, whether it was actions(or inaction) caused by me or outside forces. In January I accepted a job I ended up detesting while getting a foot infection that required me to wear a boot for 6 weeks after letting it hurt for a month or so before getting treated. I was so stressed that I would have a glass or two of wine a night and I started eating worse during tax season because I was depressed. I also was on meds that historically always caused weight gain so I compounded the weight gain by blaming the meds when I know it was a combination.
I found another job, finally took my first vacation in 5 years (yes, years) and started to workout, run a bit, eat healthier (my foot healed by then), then was in a car accident that sidelined me. I still ate somewhat healthy but let tax season get the better of my (for the 9/15 deadline) and lost the progress I made.
THEN. In October I got a fitbit and for some reason it changed me. I also realized I needed to make dramatic changes and realize that my body isn't going to bounce back like it used to. I can't do things All or Nothing (run or nothing). I started walking more and really paying attention to the number of steps per day. I started looking at how I ate certain meals and looking for the Rate of Return - enjoyment per calorie. Did I LOVE that muffin to sacrifice the number of calories allotted that day or was I being lazy and complacent? Did I need to get that huge sub at lunch when I normally am not that hungry because I don't want to carry extra things into work or walk the extra block to a healthier store? Do I HAVE to take that first train home or could I walk to the next stop, less than a mile away and get those extra steps in?
I started looking at things different and I saw results. I lost 6 pounds. I started making goals and achieving them. I was motivated to continue. But then as I let myself do before, I got lazy again and although I was walking, let work stress and holiday outings get the better of me. Yeah, I can enjoy some evenings out, but that wasn't the problem. I'd let one night get out of hand then forget to pay attention to the little things afterwards, like getting that 600 calorie muffin for breakfast every day, eating it on the train and not really taking the time to enjoy it. Completely negated the extra mile I walked earlier "trying to stay on track".
I had a goal to be 158 by today. I weighed in at 158.7 two days ago and 160 today. Sure I had a big dinner with friends so it could be a flux, but I definitely did not make my goal. I started to beat myself up, saying I failed. I did, however, I was equating it to being a FAILURE, which I AM NOT. I made my previous mini goals. I have made changes, such as walking more a priority. I do want to get better and continue to strive to make myself better and stay focused. I'm not a failure because I took the time to go back to my list of goals and ambitions for myself - drink water, do planks, etc to TRULY REMIND MYSELF what I want to do. And I know I can do it.
In light, I modified my mini goals a bit since in order to make my next goal originally planned I'd have to be pretty unhealthy which is asking for failure but I agreed with the other items I need to do (drink water, walk, etc). Just posing on SP won't help if I don't take actions in that direction during the times my fingers aren't on the keyboard. If that's the case, then they are just empty words.
So in the new year, I will continue on and strive for success. I will work on staying focused because from someone who has lost the weight before, I know how happy I will be feeling healthier, fitting into clothes that aren't specially designed to attempt to "hide" my body. I will continue the friendships I've made with people on SP which whether they know it or not, are inspirations for me.
2013 is going to be a great year.