Monday, December 31, 2012
In ten minutes the new year starts for me... 2012 has been a war zone, and somehow I feel like most of the times I lay face down in the mud defeated.
Jabba the Hutt is one of the villains in Star Wars, I'm sure you remember him (if you watched Star Wars that is..) ... he is yucky, slimy, fat, gluttonous, greedy, disgusting... and he is untrustworthy. A villain through and through.
Generally and normally I eat very healthy and exercise regularly... that is, until all of a sudden, out of the blue, often with no trigger whatsoever, a fuse blows, a switch flicks and Jabba emerges devouring everything in sight whilst slacking on the couch. It is the binge-monster and it holds me in it's claws. I feel like loosing.
Yet, there is some fight left in me, some fire. I'm sick of Jabba. I'm sick of being out of control. I'm sick of being an addict. I'm sick of being a slave to chocolate, chips and Co. I'm sick of being sick after a binge.
That's why I am here for: to fight!!! Waging war on Jabba the Hutt. Kick him out of my life. For GOOD!!!!
Don't get me wrong. I don't expect that from now on until all eternity I will never ever be defeated. No I know that there will be defeats... and I know that food is my personal demon which can make me trip and stumble and all other areas in life crash down... and there I am facedown in the mud yet once again... most likely covered in chocolate.
To be honest, I am there RIGHT NOW, but what else can I do than to get up again, wipe the dirt off my face (or the chocolate in my case) and run the good race, fight the good fight. If you're a Christian there words might sound familiar to you, because I nicked them from the bible. Jesus and my faith in Him is interwoven in every aspect of my life. He is there right beside me. He is the essence of my life. Yet too often I place food and the comfort and satisfaction it gives in His place.
I have thought long and hard how to start this new year (which by the way has started now for me: Happy new year!!)- while binging that was. How do I use this opportunity of a new start??? How do I make the most of it??
I don't believe in new years resolutions. Nor do I do "dieting". Yet it sound good to say "I haven't had any chocolate this year" (which is true... the new year is barely 4 minutes old by now). But counting chocolate-free days has lead me to disaster in the past. I had months of chocolate free-ness just to blow it one day and being back to being hocked in no time at all. I also tried the other approach: one bar of chocolate a week. It has worked for a while until the switch flicked and Jabba emerged and devouring the chocolate bars which were clearly labeled for specific days and most certainly not for immediate and complete elimination. Also, everything inside me screams in rebellion at the word "DIETING". Words like "Jo-jo effect" or "loose 30 pounds in 3 days" promises come to mind... I don't "trust" dieting and the false promises linked to it. I don't WANT to diet. It isn't dieting what I am here for. I have told you already why I am here: To wage war on that awful binge-monster Jabba the Hutt. And I need help. I can't do it alone. I have tried... again and again.
I don't know if anyone will ever read my babbling yet if you do... why don't we help each other if you struggle in the same area... I haven't really figured out yet how Sparkpeople really works, just looked around a bit, but leave a comment or be my "sparkpeople friend" or something... Yet even if no one reads this I will go on. I put together my own little personal challenge/plan:
-I WILL eat 3 main meals a day plus 1 or 2 snacks (counting calories but NOT religiously!!!)
-I will NOT eat anything after dinner
-I will NOT graze like a cow. I AM no cow. I will stick to proper meal/snack times
-I WILL getting up at 6am during the week (unless I am sick)
-I WILL exercise 5 times a week (unless I am sick)
-I WILL drink 2l of water
-I WILL go to bed early at least at 5 nights a week
-I WILL write something on this blog every.single.day. (AHHH, did I say that???... yet I will, even if it is one single word)
-I WILL stick to my own 30 days challenge:
*no shop bought sweets
*no chips, crackers, saltstick, tortilla chips, etc...
*no sodas, not even diet
*minimize processed foods
*do a Jillian Michaels workout video in the morning.... or a Pilates one
The big question remaining though is: WHAT WILL I DO WHEN JABBA EMERGES???? That question gives me a sickening feeling in my guts. So far I was never able to outsmarted him. He is cunning. He is mean. I is pestering. He is persuading. And he is patient(unfortunately). What will I do??? Do you have any suggestions??? I still don't know how to win a battle against Jabba, yet I promise that when I feel him emerging I will BLOG here and write about it.
I'm tired. I will go to bed now. The new year is almost old by now.
And even though this isn't a new year's resolution for me I wish you many happy new beginnings.