Dec. 31st 2012 Happy birthday to me!!! and day 89
Monday, December 31, 2012
Wow we have had Allie for 89 days and I have walked her at least 3x daily! Thanks Allie you are the reason I didn't gain over the holidays!LOL
Well it is my birthday!!! I honestly think this is the first year I remember that I am not sad, still had tears, not sure why but they were okay tears. Just like wow it is my birthday. I think that has something to do with not allowing myself to be important or visible.
I got up this am, before Allie and went and wrote in my journal. I just wrote what I thought. I wasn't going to share it as it is nothing amazing but then thought yea I will as some of you will know how much it is important to me.
Dec 31 happy birthday to me and I mean it. I deserve a happy day, not a woe is me day. Only I can do that for myself.
The words above are some of what I wish for myself this year. They are all attainable but I will need the STRENGTH to start and continue on my way. This year must be about HEALTH ( all aspects of it) I have too much pain and issues to not make my physical health a priority. I am putting into effect an action plan for healthy eating, exercise for my body and its pains, and taking the time for my mind, promoting SELF-CONFIDENCE, PEACE, CONTENTMENT and LOVE. I am taking the time to relax, enjoy the "Simple things in life". Another gift I will give myself is JOY - joy of love, laughter, companionship, quiet time, but just joy. I will also spend more time with Thomas and Eva and relish their child like wonder of things.
One main issue is worry, we all worry, but I know how to do that better than anything else in my life. Wwell this year it is taking a back seat, when I start to worry, I will remind myself that worry changes nothing, postiive thinking may not change everything but it will make things easier. All this is going to be hard for me but none is impossible.
So............ those are not SMART goals, but more a guideline for my new year, my 56th year of life. My only wish is that I had been able to do it many years sooner, but this year I will try harder as I am not happy in my life as it is. For the most part it is me that has to change, some issues revolve around hubby but I myself, allow him too much control that he doesn't even know he has. It is my lack of self confidence that does it. When I married, I stopped evrything I wanted to be married, have babies more than anything. Yes many from my era ( OMG lol that sounds old) wanted that, but I to the exclusion of ME.I had no interest in anything other than him and kids. Yes I did when the kids were young, take up ceramics and that got me out of the house etc. But actually in the later years, seems my insecurity has gotten worse although some of that has been because of his depression anxiety which has left a large mark on me, and us. So this year if I want to go to the kids, I will , he doesn't have to come, etc. That is all in my making and my choices. He tells me that and says if you want to go then go... if you want to... then do it.
New year, new lessons, new challenges, and I am up for it. I will become more concerned for ME. that is not selfish that is self care.
HUGS and Hope you all have a great 2013 with lots of self love and care in there too.
Now lol to figure my goals............ well maybe I wake hubby up as we are going out to Coras for my birthday breakfast and I am getting hungry! LOL fruit and something.....