It's been a long time since I've been on this site regularly. Probably about six months. SIX! I can't believe I let that happen, but I did. It started around the time that my grandfather passed away, and then a major project hit at work, and then once the excuses ran out, my routines had been completely altered. I've gained a ton of weight back, although I've been too afraid to step on the scale and find out just how much. I can feel it, though, and the way my clothes (don't) fit is the proof. I feel like I've slowly fallen apart.
Part of my absence was by design. My therapist suggested that since I've struggled with issues surrounding food/weight/eating for most of my life, that being part of a website that focuses on weight loss could be detrimental to my overall well-being. I disagreed with her, but decided that she had the training and I should follow her advice. I have done so for over a year now, and feel that things have gotten worse and not better. I think it's time to let her go and come back to SP.
2012 started out on a real high, but it crashed and burned. My Grandpa died. Work got even crazier than usual to the point that I sometimes work 12 hour days without any breaks whatsoever. My dad's Alzheimer's has gotten really bad. I've discovered how much anger I've been holding in me towards my dad, and now it's too late to do anything about it because he's not the same man that he once was. I worry about my mother and her having to deal with him on a day-to-day basis. There's a lot more that I could write on this subject, but it's too depressing.
Besides, it's not like there haven't been positives, too. I feel like I'm learning to be more open and more social. I enjoy my friends and family more and appreciate how lucky I am to have people who truly care about me in my life. I'm in the process of trying to buy a home. (And that is another ball of stress in and of itself, but it's ultimately a good one.) In May of 2013 I have a trip to Washington DC schedule with a good friend of mine. Neither of us have been there before and we're both nerds, so it should be great! Oh, and I've also been better about keeping house and staying on top of domestic things. I still refuse to make my bed, though: there's just no point. That's one thing I can't ever see changing.
As the new year approaches I can't help but think of what I want to focus on and accomplish in 2013. Health, balance, responsibility. These things all dance in my mind as I consider who I want to be. Happiness. I miss my gym friends and my super fun Zumba classes. It's time to peel myself off the sofa, ditch the pity party and get back to fitness!
Wishing you a very happy and healthy 2013!