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am i a failure?

Sunday, December 30, 2012

not much going on today.
i struggled a lot today.
was successful in doing what i wanted, but it was a struggle.

i did 90 minutes biking. every second was a struggle.
just tired and have such bad migraines.
ive been reading about cluster headaches. im wondering if perhaps it is these im experiencing rather than an ongoing migraine? im not sure. and im not sure how to tell. ive only looked into it briefly.

ending at 24 grams carbs and 1010 calories.

today i was very very hungry. i had such a hard time with carbs today.
partly because i had a different breakfast. i had half of a spinach pancake for 4 grams so that automatically put me 2 up since i normally have a 4 gram breakfast.

and i got lavash bread? i think thats what its called.
it makes an awesome pizza crust. ive had that for dinner last nite and tonite. it is 8 grams for the whole sheet and with sauce, it is 11 grams total. worth every single gram. but it is a lot, considering that most nites, my carb intake for dinner is 4. [boca burger is 1g, ketchup is 1g and 1cup broccoli is 2g.]

i was just very hungry today and in the pantry rooting around. took out cashews, measured them and figured okay, ill just be up around 30 grams tonite. and then i put them back in and came back downstairs and pouted.
i dont know how i managed to stay in range.
and even now, if there was a dennys nearby, id hop in the car and go.

tomorrow, im not exactly sure of the plan. i have some errands to run but not sure.. i believe we are going to the movies. im not sure if we are doing dinner there or before. either way, im good. if i stay low carb, good. if we go to dinner, good.

i just cant be on a "diet" the rest of my life. ive thought so long about this and am so conflicted. but the fact of the matter is, i never wanted to be on a diet.
and i dont want to think of myself as a failure every time i go off low carb.

i dont know exactly why i am thinking of this as pass/fail. i mean, i never thought once of going over my calories as a fail. not once. i dont think that it is a healthy mentality for me to think of going to eat as a failure.

or maybe it is?

i dont know. im so conflicted.

anyways, thats the day. hope everyone has a wonderful, successful new year.

edit: based on a suggestion that i never thought of [thanks, jo!] i facebooked our drafthouse theater and asked for the calorie and carb counts in their side salad and their veggie burger. that was before christmas. they said they would see what they could do. i hope at some point they will get back to me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    OMG what a great photo !
    You are never a failure in my eyes. You just have food sensitivities, so you have to eat a certain way. Just look at it that way instead of thinking you are on a diet.
    Happy New is going to be a very happy one for you !
    1784 days ago
    Don't think of yourself as a failure. Everyone has bad days. No one is perfect. Look at how far you've come and how much you've accomplished. If low carb is stressing you out too much, then stop counting carbs. You can still eat less carbs without focusing/obsessing over counting them. As long as you are eating healthy overall, most of them time, you should be fine. Remember, it's about the journey even more than the destination.
    1784 days ago
  • -KIMMI-
    I don't think of eating anything as a failure. Change your thinking Ms.Dee, change your thinking. emoticon
    1785 days ago
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