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    EELS4PEELS   26,797
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Good Lord Do I Ramble!

Sunday, December 30, 2012


What's currently going on in my life. My thoughts about the future, health, and my gut!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

U8MYRAMEN 1/15/2013 2:11AM

    My comment is going to be short and sweet. You are an amazing person and I just wanted to let you know that. You are a great inspiration to me and I hope to one day be where you are. Thank you for being on SP and giving people like me hope that we can one day reach goals that we only dreamed of. Thank you.

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PSU460 1/14/2013 5:47PM

    Lol i love the Thor t-shirt :P its my new years resolution to have more *fun* clothes such as that, starting with a Doctor Who hoodie and a t-shirt with the batman logo on it XD
I really enjoyed listening to your blog- long blogs for the win :P, your childhood photos remind me of mine and I think the one big thing about me losing weight is that I've never been a "normal" size for as long as I can remember. I cant imagine meeting new people and not being (or feeling like people see me as) *the big one* its an exciting prospect, although for some strange reason I worry what I will be if I'm a normal size, how will people label me when they dont have that? This might just be paranoia to an extent, its probably minimal the amount that the people that really matter would actually have this label in their description of me, I guess its just the unknown.
I think in time I'll get fed up of the tracking, at the moment though its my way of reminding myself that Im trying to lose weight. The minute I stop, its not that I put weight back on, but I stop losing it...hopefully that means once I dont need to lose weight I wont have to worry so much.
I think you're really brave with the surgery, and showing us what you look like and what you want done, because you're right, its not what you expect when you start out, its not the bit that the "womens magazines" tell you about when "so and so" lost "so many lbs" and you're left feeling a bit ripped off.
Now I'm rambling (!) I just wanted to offer my support as well on the whole meat no meat thing, whatever your reasons behind it, and the detox thing. I dont get what the big deal with it is. I eat meat sometimes, sometimes I don't. A lot of my friends/family dont seem to understand that you can eat a dinner meal without meat in it, and actually get the same amount of fulfillment from it. I've ordered vegetarian options while out only to get the "oh are you vegetarian now?" Followed by complete confusion when I say no but it sounded nice. The detox sounds like a really good way of getting focused again, I've been looking at some stuff myself but there seems to be lots of confusing things, like you can eat carbohydrates such as oats in some, but in others it seems as restrictive of calories as it seems restrictive of unhealthy food. I think I would want to do one that didnt necessarily overlimit my calorie intake, just becasue I get so moody when I'm hungry I think i'd lose my job haha!
Anyway I've rambled enough, thanks for putting your blog up, even to the admittance of having a fit when you saw you'd put on weight, the complicated relationship between the numbers and what they actually mean. it makes me feel more normal lol its exactly how i felt after christmas. its really inspirational how far you've come, you should feel very proud :)

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CHODGES83 1/13/2013 7:53PM

    So happy to hear from you! First of all - chocolate covered pringles? Yes please! Also, I could've sworn you said bacon cookies, but upon consideration I decided you must've said bakin cookies; your accent is adorable. Oh, and I would also eat bacon cookies (:
Alright, lady. You are awesome. I love your honesty. It's really refreshing. I have to say I really feel the same with tracking. It's way too tedious. Seriously, I spend tons of time on sparkpeople as it is, I don't want to spend half an hour more figuring out how to track my recipes. It's a pain in the arse. I agree, if it's something good for us we shouldn't be spending so much time worrying. I have been thinking that I should track when I eat/drink something that isn't on the healthy spectrum. I had the week of Christmas off and did fine at home (because there wasn't anything out of the ordinary in my house), but as soon as I got back to work I was back to snacking on junk. I believe in being accurate, but I don't feel like I really need the tracker to be accurate/honest with myself.
Thanks so much for sharing!

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MISTY_MOUNTAINS 1/12/2013 5:30PM

    I couldn't be more happy with your long blogs!! We have so many things to talk about, it's forgivable!!
I am with you 100% on the tracking prison. I hate that I have to count every little thing. I hate that if I go over or under anything I feel guilty. I am obsessed, and I don't like that either. The number on the scale doesn't reflect how much work I feel like I've done. The number on the tag of my clothing doesn't either. It's getting so frustrating for me that all of these numbers rule my life, but I can't let any of them go yet. I'm not ready - I'm afraid. I want to eat like a normal person once I'm at my goal. I don't want this to be the rest of my life. I want to be able to eat a chip or something and not feel like all of my weight is coming back.
I watched the "Hungry For Change" doc on Netflix too. It was very interesting, and a lot of it made sense to me, but I don't feel like I can be one of those people. I think I'm too lazy!! Also, there's something about juicing half my diet that feels like another health craze to me. It's not, but we're told everything's a health craze so often that's where my mind immediately goes. I wish I could drink half my diet, because then I know I wouldn't eat crap food. Simple as that. I'm still trying to teach my taste buds to like fresh better than prepared. I'm still trying to not eat everything out of a box too. Hence why I'm still the size I am. But I digress.
I'm so happy for you setting up this surgery!! I hope everything goes well, and you're very happy with the outcome. It would be a damn shame for you to have come so far and not be happy or comfortable in your own skin. I would have never thought that would be painful... people don't think about things like that, as you said. I'm REALLY hoping I don't need anything done when I'm finished. I can deal with the stretch marks, but loose skin would be a problem because surgery scares the bujeezus outta me. I've considered breast reduction, but the pain stops me from even asking a doctor about it.
I'm glad you know you're awesome, even if you're not all the way comfortable with it. I wish all of our inner fat girls would just shut-up already. They're a real pain in the arse!!
Sorry, I'm rambling..... but I'm glad I watched this vlog!! Thanks!!

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EMMYLOU010409 1/10/2013 11:03PM

    Okay, so awesome SP unsubscribed me, so I just found this blog of yours. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! Good luck with your surgery! I wish the best for you!

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SHRINKING_SARA 1/3/2013 1:57PM

    I'm excited to see how this turns out for you. I'm waiting to get rid of my food baby belly until after I pop out a few real babies in the future. I almost felt ashamed to tell people that I was having plastic surgery -- and tried to down play my surgery as not that important. But it is. So take care of yourself! Being stuck in the house and not eating everything in site is hard once the good pain pills wear off.

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PAPER_WINGS18 1/1/2013 10:17PM

    *I had no idea you had such an adorable southern accent! you are too cute! It's so awesome to hear peoples' voices after "speaking" to them so long on here! Adorable!!

Chocolate covered pringles!? shut up! I want....

I am so proud of you for showing us your skin on here, and for doing something to make yourself happier! I think you look fantastic, but I completely 100% understand this decision. I am super nervous I will have to face this down the road(if and when I ever lose all this weight since it is taking fuking forever for me...)!

Anyway, I am so proud of you, and really cannot wait to read/hear your updates.!

xoxoxo

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PANDASUE2 1/1/2013 9:10AM

    First of all... I love your long blogs! Blog away...I watch the whole thing cause you crack me up!
I wrote down some of the things that stood out to me while you talked, so this comment might just be as long as your blog... sorry if *I* ramble!
You are awesome to show your stomach... mine looks just about the same way and I haaaaaate it. My fiance is supportive like yours, and says he doesn't care, but its still just embarrassing and not something I thought would happen to me because I'm younger. I thought I'd have a svelte, perfect body after losing 150+ pounds. I, too, had a food baby and as happy as I am to have lost that weight, the after effects are showing. Its only us that see it, but we still know its there and that does affect our self esteem, even if we try to let it not.
I'm excited to see your after pictures once you're all healed up. I'm sure you're going to look amazing and I'm gonna be super jealous!
I really don't like my arms either... I hate that I'm gonna be getting married in a wedding dress that doesn't have sleeves and my fat flap is gonna be there for the whole world to see. Ugh. Gotta start super toning or something! Maybe I'll become a body builder.... :-P You do have definition though and your under arms really aren't that bad. Keep working on them and they might go down on their own.
So the compression workout gear works? I do Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and my sh*t is flappin' all over. Its so embarrassing to hear, even if I'm the only one in the room. There is no way I could take a class knowing that its me that's making those noises by jumping around! I want to start taking classes but I don't know if I have the guts to with all this loose skin!
I hear ya about the not tracking as much anymore. It does get tedious. I don't think I'm quite out of that stage yet, I feel like I still need it to keep up my routine. But I would like to get out of that slump. You're completely right that eating less meat helps. I would agree 100% because as soon as I started this "life change" and started eating less meat (beef, mostly) I lost more weight. I eat a lot of chicken and turkey, but those things are far leaner and are easier to track. But yes, its hard to eat just 3oz's in a restaurant. No way to actually know unless you carry your food scale around. (no, i haven't done that... thank god I'm not that messed up about it!) But yes, tracking and weighing yourself daily are like living in a cage and having that number on the scale or the amount of food that you eat define you. "Hi, I'm 185/1300." That's how I feel sometimes cause it seems to be all I think about. Food, food, food and my weight.
You are amazing though. You do have such high self esteem (from what we, the outside world sees). I know you may be struggling, but you ARE awesome and your attitude on these things helps me get through it too! You're an inspiration! Its weird when people tell me I am, cause I don't feel like one at all. I still see that fat girl every time too.. but we're not! And you should be so proud, cause you rock :-)
K... enough rambling from me too! Have a goo day!

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