Sunday, December 30, 2012
Yes, its true, 2012 has come and gone and my '12 resolution of weight loss was barely thought of. Oh sure, I logged on to Sparkpeople here and there, spin the wheel, mark my water intake but by evening I was usually doing my night binges only to end this year with an extra 10 pounds...
I'm not going to sit here and whine about it, I'm a big girl and capable of my own decisions. I know that I have issues with depression and stress eating, I have outlets I could have used to at least attempt a slight weightloss.
I truly believe 2013 will be my year. I still have all my reasoning's I've listed in the past; Health, growing and playing with my daughter, self-confidence, etc., however, I'm not sure if the world tilted a bit or what, but the meanies are coming out of the woodwork.
Last Friday morning my 6yr old daughter was eating breakfast with me, I saw a look of hurt in her eyes. After bating her for awhile she finally gave in and told me that a boy in school was giving her a hard time because "Her Mom Was Fat". Oye! I can't say I am shocked, they are kindergarteners and children can be mean. I had to deal with kids saying it to me when I was in school and I remember how hurt I was that they would talk about my Mom that way.
Then this Friday my daughter and I went out for lunch at a "Nicer" restaurant, we were seated next to a table of men who were harassing one of the younger guys for getting engaged, well, it went to them poking fun at women gaining weight after marriage. I won't get into the terms that were used, but as they were talking about it a few pointed and laughed in my direction, enough that my daughter witnessed this. Needless to say, I quickly paid my bill and left. In the parking lot my daughter said she felt bad for me. I told her not to feel bad for me, I did this to myself and I can and will take care of it so she never has to sit through these types of insults again.
I lost my Mom last year to cancer, the Christmas and New Years Holidays bring back a lot of sad feelings but then to be compounded by the insults has made this last week terrible. My attitude towards people has been less than nice. I don't want to be that way. I want to be the Mom who supports my daughter, not the Mom whose daughter has a need to support and protect her Mom. She is way too young for this and I am to blame that she is going through all of this.
I read a quote last night that truly caught how I have been feeling:
When you feel that you have reached the end and that you cannot go one step further, when life seems to be drained of all purpose; what a wonderful opportunity to start all over again, to turn over a new page. - Eileen Caddy
I am at that point and I will take this wonderful opportunity to start all over again, I'm turning that page. Thank you Eileen.
I know I am not alone in this. I not only have friends, but I also have Sparkpeople.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.