Am I fooling myself? :)
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Emergency kitty okay. Great FUN to be had pilling a recalcitrant old kittycat lol. I think of it as practice for getting my tattoo. Ha.
Had late Xmas at in-laws last night. BIL is doing a 3 month training program, getting up 3x/week at 4:30 AM for training. Yikes!! He said it's the only time he can do it, any later and it interferes with getting the kids ready and going to work.
My point? I really have no excuse for my lazyassness other than....ummmm....
*cricket chirping* (really? No cricket emoticon? Sheesh. :p)
So.....I just wonder if I'm setting myself up for total failure again. Starting a new program at the beginning of the new year, yadda yadda. If I will be just another statistic after the 3 week or 3 month mark.
I probably need a plan. And I'm hoping that reading a book I have in mind along with a few podcasts might help with the change in mindset I'm having about my eating. I'm not just going to restrict my calories and workout a lot...I want to change how I INTERACT with food and use food and respond with food. I eat because I'm bored or lonely or blahblahblah...I don't know. Sometimes I think I just eat out of HABIT. And then justify it by saying 'but I must have done it because I missed my kitty' or some such nonsense. Ummm, no. If I've truly been emotionally eating for the last quarter century, well, I think I've proven to myself that it doesn't DO ANY GOOD. It doesn't change anything, make life better, fix anything, make me feel better. So....time to break the cycle/addiction.
I just need to remember and remind myself...repeatedly, that it's not linear. I won't simply wake up on the 1st and become the perfect eating/workout machine. I WILL have off days, setbacks, etc. And I think my main goal and focus is going to be just...eating when I'm actually hungry. Making myself aware of when I'm just eating to eat. Even if I don't always succeed in stopping myself, I need to stop being so unaware, and pay attention to all my eating. Maybe a log? Seeing it on paper could be eye-opening.
Now...if I can just find a goddam trainer. Maybe instead of trying to find a full-time one, I should just hire one for 1 or 2 sessions simply to show me correct form, which was my original goal. Then if I like them, consider the next step.
Off to work now. :)