Trying to move on, but keep hitting roadblocks - need peptalk
Sunday, December 30, 2012
First off, I need to say that I accept full responsibility for my physical size and I acknowledge that in this society there will always be certain obstacles as a direct result of that size. I don't expect anyone to make life easier by making exceptions or changing the way they do things to benefit me.
That being said, I really need to vent about my shopping ordeal yesterday. Yes, I can find plenty of clothes online, but I don't think I should be relegated to shopping from the "comfort and safety" of my own home just because I am a size 24.
I am in the process of trying to change jobs since I am in a pretty much dead-end situation with my present employer. I am grateful to have the job, but feel that the time has come for me to move on. Since I currently work in a casual environment (to compensate for reduced staffing and benefits, every day is casual Friday), I have mostly casual pants and shirts. That will not fly with a job search, so with my Christmas money I went in search of an interview suit (a/k/a power suit). I did see a few that I liked online, but I would prefer to be able to try on a suit before comitting any money.
I visited one of the upscale department stores that did have some options online and headed to the upstairs rear corner, where most of these stores seem to feel that plus-sized women belong. After searching through the "women's sizes" for a fair amount of time, I was dismayed at the lack of career appropriate apparel. After asking the salesperson in that area if they had business suits for "women's" sizes I was directed to the suit department. I looked at rack after rack of suits in this area - none larger than a 16, After the cashier in the suit department directed to a third salesperson to ask if they stocked suits in "women's" sizes, I was told that they did not have the room in the store to stock those items.
No room - not even for one rack of basic black suits? Is it possible that I am the only plus-size woman in South Florida looking for a business suit? I felt so worthless as I left the sotre - I was so angry and hurt after this experience - they placed so little value on the plus-sized womn (a/k/a me) as a customer that they couldn't stock a simple, basic item.
I felt humiliated and imagined that everyone I passed on the mall could not only sense my rejection, but somehow approved of it (all in my head, but that is how I felt at the moment). I can't wave a magic wand and suddenly be a normal size, so setbacks like this will continue to happen, and no matter how much I try to tell myself that I am so much more than my physical self, words like shame and unworthy pop into my head.
I must take a good hard look at how much effort I have put into improving my overall well-being and realize the effort has been exceedingly low - again I take full responsiblity for that.
I need a pep-talk - words of advice and motivation to help me get started in earnest and keep going the next time I hit a roadblock like this one that wreaks havoc on my mental state.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
i do remember the pain and humiliation of shopping for decent plus-size clothes. i also remember thinking shopping would be easier when i was a "normal" size. for whatever it's worth, shopping is still challenging...things still don't fit well, i still don't look like a model, i can rarely find just what i really want, etc., etc., etc. i used to believe a lot of lies that began with "if i weren't obese...."
i'd encourage you to just pick one thing, and start with that. the only way we can win this battle is to pile up enough small victories to "tip the scale" in the right direction. commit to drinking 8-12 glasses of water a day, cutting out one problem food (soda, lattes, desserts, whatever), exercising at least 10 or 20 minutes a day, doing something different than you've done to get results you haven't yet known. for people with 10 or 20 pounds to lose, going on a strict, temporary diet might work; for those of us with a lot more excess baggage, i believe our only success will come when we change how we deal with/think about food and ourselves. most of the battle is in our mind, and we live out what what goes on there. if we can't transform ourselves THERE, it's pretty impossible to change anything else. i won't do something temporarily that i won't do permanently, so i've looked at this journey as becoming a new person in relation to food, exercise and my thought processes. i'm not happy with my size, but i realize unless i'm a size 1 or 2, i won't be content. i also realize that's not just unreasonable for me, it would also be unhealthy, so part of my "new" attitude is that i just have to keep making daily healthy choices, and let go of foolish/harmful "goals." the other thing i've learned to do is to talk to myself like i'd talk to a friend---it doesn't come easy or naturally, and it's not always my first response, but i force myself to do it. i'd have no friends if i talked to them like i talked to myself. when those hateful, hurtful, judgmental, ugly words are all in your head, there's no escape.
anyway....those are a few of the things i've learned along the journey. i've still got lots of learning to do, and more changes are ahead. hang in there....baby steps are still steps moving in the right direction, and it's better to get somewhere later than to never move because you can't take big steps without falling on your face.
1546 days ago
I know what you mean about shopping for clothes. One thing I wish is that they would make the larger clothes with smaller print material. I notice larger clothes are always drab colors, or big sized flowers or leaves. Not the dainty flowers smaller sizes have. You don't see small sizes with big orchids on them. Well I just had to vent about clothes shopping.
1546 days ago
1547 days ago
You also need a (((hug))). That sounds like a horrible experience. But this experience does.not.define.you. You are a precious person. I can say this even though I don't know you because I know that EVERYONE is precious. Including you. No shame, no lack of worth.
There are some positives here: You're still here on spark - you haven't quit! No one in that store knows that you're on your way. And you know that people in the mall had no idea what was going on in your head, or what had just happened for you - this is good! Don't let the negative self-talk spiral you down. Break that cycle - you can do it. You are doing positive things in your life (sparking! Looking for a new job!). Keep going.
I encourage you to let this experience go. Go elsewhere for the suit (take a friend with you, who can keep you on track motivation-wise in real life?), don't let this one experience rob you of your joy and motivation for the coming days.
Perhaps you could write to the store outlining your experience too. This would be closure for you, and you're right, there must be other women who have had this happen.
Happy new year - may 2013 bring about the changes you want to see in your life, because you're worth it and you can do it!!
1547 days ago
1547 days ago
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
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