Holidays push my buttons. Looking for the reset button. Life with a narcissistic parent
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Holidays will do that. Push your buttons. Family gatherings. Being thrown back into a role you no longer want to assume. Work gatherings. Fine lines and determining acceptable boundaries. Gifts where you wonder,"What the he11?" And try to remind yourself that it is the thought that counts (but what were they thinking?). Or even worse, they tell you exactly what they were thinking......"maybe this will help you lose weight". Geez. Thank you. Just what I wanted....for the entire Holidays to be focused on weight and the topic of conversation to be whether I have gained or lost weight. That is a helluva greeting. Seriously? How about asking me what is new or what I have been up to. I have done a lot of other interesting, wonderful things and all you can talk about is my weight? This is more of a flashback than my current reality but still the flashback button got pushed more than once over the past few weeks. Anybody else have a narcissistic parent (you look good=I am a great parent) who paraded/parades you around like a hooker when you were/are in thin mode but who is obviously ashamed when you were/are in thick mode. Daughter? What daughter? Let me tell you about my wonderful, thin OTHER child. No such thing as unconditional love in that situation. Drove/drives me flipping crazy! So you build walls (fat?). Then maybe once you are old enough (say in your 50's. cough cough) to know better and are able to set boundaries (or escape) and you don't feel quite as threatened by family and you have developed a close group of friends with whom you can be vulnerable (a.k.a. "Alive"), you can feel "safe" enough to lose weight. AHh....lightbulb moment and exhale. Happy New Year. Time to press the reset button.