Sunday, December 30, 2012
I have used this space for many things. I have written about my hopes to lose weight and my failures.
I have shared many things I know. I have shared my triumphs and some of my failures. I have shared things I have learned and a few moments that I am sure everyone else got and I am the last one to figure out.
I started this journey a few years ago when I realized I had not lost enough weight since my son's birth. I wanted to lose 1/2 of what I weighed on that day. My net lose since that time is "only" 25 pounds. It has been a few years.
Over the past few days I have written some stuff for myself on paper that I do not intend to share. . I have thought about the good choices, the bad choices and even some ugly things about myself.
Here I sit another year with not much change in my weight. I was down about 30 pounds less than I am right now. I did feel better. I then got on insulin and have used that as an excuse to struggle.
I start the day strong then I find excuses not to succeed. it is time to succeed. It is time to embrace the journey.
Today I have been thinking about some of the things my kids have said to me. These sons are over 20. Some of the things that make me cringe the most I react strongly to because they ring true.
Today I read Coach Nancy's blog about self compassion. I have no idea how to do this. I have been feeling sorry for myself these last few weeks. Giving myself extra sleep and days that I don't stress about what I have to do are not seeming to help. i am trying to figure out what I really want. What will make me feel successful.? How can I accept less than perfection and be happy with myself? Expecting perfection is clearly not working.
I am know I need to change something. I need to reduce the list of IF ONLYs. I need a list of good things that I know that I could accomplish most days.
I know I feel better when:
1. I do not eat sugar.
2. I eat balanced and regular meals.
3. I drink water regularly.
4. I do basic chores daily. (even better is when my family helps.)
5. I spend some time doing fun things like reading but when I balance it with the things that NEED to get done.
6. I spend some time doing creative things.
7. I spend some time feeding my spiritual side.
I keep writing about these things. I need to figure out how to set up my world so more of these things happen more often. I hope that if I do this I will feel successful. When I feel like I am successful I work harder to be successful.
So this year I promise to ask myself before I make a choice if it will make me feel successful. I will usually make the better choice. This is the year of change.