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I made it to Seattle

Saturday, December 29, 2012

I finally made it to Seattle, arrived on Christmas Day. My house back in KY is finally up for rent. Is my life perfect now? No, but still, I'm trying to adjust and figure out a plan for what's next.

In the past I've always moved for a job or a degree program. So I've moved with a start date, a target for a place to live (close to work) and a circle of friends associated with the new activity. Here, I'm sort of in limbo. I'm here, but I don't have a plan. I don't know what I am going to do next or even what I want to do. So much has happened this past year, I haven't really had time to think about it and now I sort of don't know where to start. I am not even for sure if I will stay in Seattle long term - a lot depends on how I handle winter.

I've unpacked my things from the car and started organizing them in my sister's house. I do want my own place, but without a job, I can't really buy a house or know what location I need my place to be in. So perhaps the next step is figuring out what I want to do for a career. Making some new goals and a plan.

Complicating matters, I think this place may be exacerbating the seasonal depression I suspected I had before. I noticed there is an hour less of daylight each day, and, traditional Seattle winters, the days are mostly grey and drizzly - not a lot of sun to boot. I came prepared though with my light therapy light - as well as my dawn simulator - so I am going to see if those things help. I am very tired and have been going to bed sometimes as early as 6:30 or 7 pm. I am having carb cravings - esp chocolate - and I don't feel like exercising or doing things I normally enjoy.

It may be the SAD or it may be the fact that this is the first time I've slowed down in a long time, so perhaps my body is decompressing. I don't even know, for example, if I fully dealt with my Dad's passing... I just threw myself into working on his house and my house and everything else without thinking about it. I found myself crying over the loss yesterday for the first time in a while.

I took a "stressful life events" test, which tests your stress level and susceptibility to illness based on life events over the past 1-2 years. It said over 300 is high stress and high susceptibility to illness. Well, I scored a 720. And there were some things that I have experienced, like the stalking, that are high stress but not common enough to show up on the chart, so were not counted.

I stopped running a couple of weeks ago because I felt like it was wearing me out more. I want to start running again, perhaps it would help with my energy levels now that I am doing less in general, but I'm still afraid it would wear me down more. I'm just so tired all the time.

I am going to try to use the light therapy and see if it helps. Also, go running, easier said than done when my body just doesn't feel like doing much. You guys know this isn't me. I know this isn't me. I don't know if it will change with time and more rest or ? At the same time, I can't continue eating and sitting around all the time. At least it's just been a few days, but I don't want that to stretch out. I bought some new jeans today, I am still a size 4 but... barely. Things need to start moving forward.

If those things don't work, I may start taking the over the counter supplement SAM-E again. This had helped with a mild depression I had when stuck in a dead-end job before for over 2 years. I finally was able to stop taking it a year or so again. I would rather not take it, but if it would give me some more energy and focus, I suppose I should do so.

Well, that's my update for now. I wish it could be more of WHOO I AM IN SEATTLE rather than, hey, I'm in Seattle, but that's where I'm at for now. Hope all is well with everyone out there!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey girlfriend! Glad to see you finally made it! I too suffer from SAD and it has been brutal this year. A Dear friend said to up my Vitamin D3 to 2000units a day plus what is in my one a day's. I also take super B- complex for the energy. Wow it took almost 2 weeks for it to work but It is. Before I could do nothing, I was just totally exhausted all the time. I need to check into one of those lights and see if it will help me even more than now. Take you time getting back intot the swing of things but not too long. You are a person who needs action. So does your dog. So look for the job, the house, walk jog if you do not feel like running.

    1874 days ago
    Welcome to Seattle. Getting back on track with your running will probably help you feel less tired, but if the light therapy and running don't help, definitely look at that supplement that helped before. Even mild depression is nothing to sneeze at!

    If you can start looking into career opportunities, you'll have a better idea of where you want to go, which will help with the planning, which will help with the feeling of sitting sill :) I'm always working towards a plan, so I know how important it can be!

    Hope you have a fabulous new year!
    1877 days ago
    I love Washington, especially along the coast.
    Enjoy that beautiful state. I have friends on one of the islands.
    1878 days ago
    This is not exactly the optimal time of year to move to the area, but I'm glad you made it safely, Use the light, try and get in some activity, but most of all take care of yourself and give yourself time to adjust and grieve; you've been through a lot this year and you need to sort through things.

    1878 days ago
    I use the SAD light too (though the one I have by Verilux is called the Happy Light -- seems a more appropriate name!) Hope it helps you. It's not easy with such short days. I am very susceptible to the affects as well.

    Hoping that you find a direction to go now that you're in Seattle. You will. It takes time. Glad you have your sister to be with.

    HUGS and wishing you a New Year of health, happiness, blessings and abundance my dear. You deserve it. Take care of yourself.
    1878 days ago
    Might want to take some iron pills, too. Might help with the energy level. Hmmm, I wondered about you moving there---winter there is pretty gloomy and lots of rain thru out the year--how that works with the outdoor activities you like to do. But give yourself a few weeks to decompress and grieve---maybe instead of running you could start walking in different locations to check out the vibes you get from the area. Hope the light works for SAD.
    1879 days ago
    Keep pushing through. Acting opposite will be the best thing for you. Trust me I have "major depressive disorder" so these are the things I have learned to help me. Be kind to yourself.

    Good luck!
    1879 days ago
  • JLITT62
    You have been thru a LOT in tbe last yr - I have, too, but it barely holds a candle to what you've gone thru!

    The easiest way to know if running will tire you out is to run. I find I rarely regret a run. I'll be running today, just have to decide if I want to brave the snow & cold so I can run with my group or go it alone on tbe treadmill.

    Remember, too, you have the time change you're dealing with as well.
    1879 days ago
    congrats on finally getting there!! i hope that it gives you the opportunity to relax, decompress and figure out where you want to go. i suppose it's hard to run when you don't have a direction to move in... but you will get there!
    1879 days ago
  • SHEILA1505
    Big hugs - glad that you have completed the major work of fixing your house for rental and that you've made it to Seattle.
    These waves of grief are perfectly normal and I hope that being with your sister will help you cope.
    Give yourself a break - you've been driving yourself hard for a couple of years now and I'm sure that a short rest to recharge is well deserved - you know that doesn't include carb-fests, but allow yourself some time to decompress

    Here's to a positive 2013!
    1879 days ago
    Here's to new beginnings!
    1879 days ago
  • JACKIE542
    I don't know if you have ever lived there before, it is a very beautiful state. I don't know if you hike, but there are so many trails, you could probably run them. It would be great to explore. I have always heard about Orcus Island, maybe you could go there and whale watch.
    Not sure how I would do in all the gloom, I have always lived in California. I hope the light therapy does offer some help.
    I will be looking forward to updates. Take good care of yourself. emoticon
    1879 days ago
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