Vanity!

I said a while back that I was more concerned with moderating my lifestyle and relationship to health. Well, that was true. Maybe I've kind of gone through that, and like a step on of a process it's so much foundation that I even take it somewhat for granted. But I want to update.

It seems that my motivations are more and more based on pride, appearance, and external factors outside of the spiritual. New jeans! Cute workout shirts from Lucy! An extra glance at myself whenever I want to. Self-admiration. I freakin' adore it. I have been working so much with numbers with my trainer that those are what now dominate my thought process.

I am pleased as punch about how I managed to get through the holidays. On the one had, I have not lost since the 16th of Dec. On the other hand, I have lost 3 pounds earlier in the month and not gained them back. Even with all of the chocolate that is now sitting in my house. And the cookies that we have not even opened, wine and Baileys that is going to grow some good dust I hope.

Things I got for Christmas that I am going bananas over are: toiletries (hellllooooo, lotion), a heart rate monitor (that is light years beyond my technological gadget knowledge), and a wireless headset for my walk-man (which, I hear are not called walk-man anymore).

I feel completely worth all of the work that I have to do in order to feel this second of good clean feeling. Not only do I feel good/healthy, I am turning into a version of myself that gains my own attention.