My saboteur is me.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
"Daily Community Task
Is someone sabotaging your weight-loss efforts? Why do you think that is? What can you do to stay in control and address the situation? Write a blog today about your plan, then put it into action!"
"Is someone sabotaging my weight-loss efforts?"
YES I AM
Why do I think that is?
Iím being a stubborn child.
I seem to be losing so many things that are things I enjoy. My creativity has nose-dived and a lot of what is left is shoulds, oughts and have-tos. I donít want eating to become such an un-fun burden.
I donít know Ė maybe none of that is it.
I just donít know . . .
"What can you do to stay in control and address the situation?"
In a strange way, thatís what I feel I am doing. Iím not giving into all the hype and rah-rah. Iím not acting like I'm happy about giving up things I really enjoy. Iím not trying to make sense of all the nutrition and exercise information that half the time conflicts with itself or changes what you should do or not do every few months.
"Write a blog today about your plan, then put it into action!"
I have done the little goal setting stuff on here because it says to choose goals and have them here at the site. I havenít actually done any of it. Most of the time, I can't even remember how to find them on here.
I have no motivation at all. No enthusiasm at all. I hate being fat. I donít want diabetes. But none of that seems to be having any effect. Iím burned out. I donít even seem to have the motivation to do things I really want to do.
How can I put anything more into action when Iím already not doing the other stuff Iím needing/wanting to do - like writing my mystery novel and turning my office into a room I can enjoy working in?
SP recommends making a motivation collage/picture/image thingy with all the lovely, wonderful, exciting things you want to be and do when you achieve your exciting, wonderful, inspiring goals.
I can never think of anything to put on it. How will losing weight and exercising help me write my book or redo my office? I canít imagine looking at such a thing would really make any difference in how I feel. It seems silly.
What would I put on it? Things I might achieve but then let fade away so I can look at my motivation collage and be reminded of failing again?
But . . .
I had a thought the other day that . . .
Iím killing me softly.
Iím keeping myself from doing all this (I started to say Ďcrapí Ė not positive, bad word) great stuff and I donít know why.
Other than Iím weary. Iím weary of all the effort to change and still have to do all that have-tos, oughts, and shoulds that I already have to do.
Weary of doing stuff that I canít make last. I've changed before. Improved before. Lost weight and gotten fit before.
None of it has stuck.
So . . .
Part of me wants to lose weight and exercise and get fit and healthy so I can die from something that doesnít have to do with being fat and out of shape.
Part of me just doesnít want to try and muster up all the energy to do it.
Part of me is keeping me from doing most everything I want to do.
Part of me is killing me softly.
And I have no idea how to stop the murderer.