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MSDSW1
1-99 SparkPoints 81
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Poor, Pitiful Me

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Yeah, what a title huh? I'm just trying to think of a time in my life when I didn't feel down, like REALLY down, about something. What sucks is that I have the ability to change the things I don't like but, not the willpower I guess. I've lost weight in the past, massive amounts, only to gain it back and plus some most of the time.

My first marriage I was in a size 20 but still had a killer figure. My second marriage I was in a size 24, down from God knows what size when I hit an all time high of 320lbs while pregnant - oh, yeah, pregnant, then married the second time. My third, and final, marriage I dropped 75lbs and was in a size 14!!! I actually did feel good at that point and I swear I remember being really happy about EVERYTHING. I started gaining weight back on our honeymoon, I mean, really, watch my intake on my HONEYMOON?? I should have. By the time I got pregnant a second time I was up to 230something. I miscarried and my weight went to 242 by the next try, three months later. I kept a nice, steady weight through my pregnancy. I also had gestational diabetes and ate like the doctor told me to. When I gave birth, I was at 240.

I willingly stayed home for two years with my son. I left a REALLY good job to do so. When I decided to go back to work, the economy had tanked. I worked at a vet's for a while, then temporary jobs through a few agencies. I kept right on putting on weight through all of this. I was, and am now, depressed. I swear each interview I went on and got turned down for a job, or worse, never heard anything back, I think I gained five to 10 pounds.

So here I sit, no job, on multiple medications for depression, a child in college and one in grade school. I have a husband who works his ass off and makes good money but, we need the second income and I can't get a job. (I have 20yrs experience as an Admin Assistant/Office Manager/Member Services Coordinator) I believe employers SEEING me kills my chances every time. At 294lbs, 40yrs old, and feeling run down and depressed, I'm sure they take one look and think I must be a lazy, uncaring, slob.

So, here I go again. I'm hoping the stars will align for me and I'll keep my motivation. I hope so.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v WATERDIAMONDS
    It is work, hard HARD work, but it is worth it in the long run, as you well know. And you're here. That's step 1, the most important step.

    So congrats for having made it this far. Now, I wish you the very best of success on your journey to earn the health you so deserve.

    Please come back to keep us posted.
    1305 days ago
  • v GOLFGMA
    Be positive and list all those qualities when you interview for the job. Read up on how to answer questions on the interview. Your weight may not be an issue only if you let it be. Wishing you success because you deserve it! emoticon
    1306 days ago
  • v MJ7DM33
    emoticon Hang in there!
    1306 days ago
  • v MI-ELLKAYBEE
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1306 days ago
  • v CTMOM2KIDS
    Hey, you got on here... that's a HUGE step forward today! So what are you going to do TODAY??? How about you track on SP everything you eat today. That's all... just track what you ate. I am not even talking about calorie reduction. Just track what you eat and at the end of the day you take a look at it. Tomorrow go back and do the same thing.

    I am right there with you. I, too, have tried on and off with various degrees of success and failure. But I have put together a few streaks around eating, drinking water and exercise. It's the exercise that was a killer for me. Take a look at my page, ready some of my blogs. There is so much support on here. I have gotten my motivation from other Sparkpeople friends. You can do this! ONE DAY AT A TIME!
    1306 days ago
  • v WORKOUTWITHPAM
    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers in hopes that you will soon find a job. Best Wishes in reaching all of your goals.

    HUGS
    Pam
    1306 days ago
  • v GLINDAGOODWITCH
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1306 days ago
  • v SPATTEN2001
    Shake off that depression -- mental attitude does a lot to a body ... post notes on your bathroom mirror, refrigerator, closet door ... everywhere you go daily to tell yourself of all your goodness, beauty and potential ... and most especially, pray! God will provide
    1306 days ago
  • v MARYBETH4884
    I've been there. Just looking in the mirror was depressing and motivated me not to go anywhere. But when I started tracking and the clothes got looser and I felt better, it got easier to get out. I'm not a skinny, physically fit person,but I know I'm improving my Health and my weight and that makes me feel better. People who see me on the street don't know I've lost almost 60 pounds and probably assume the same things they always have, but I know the real facts. Track your food and exercise, feel good about yourself . Maybe with a renewed positive attitude potential employers will be so impressed they will hire you! Good luck!
    1306 days ago
  • v BRERRABBIT1
    I know, God help us!
    Weight loss, it's a blood sport.
    emoticon
    ** A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. **
    1306 days ago
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