Saturday didn't have a clue what day or date it was

Saturday, December 29, 2012

had to look at the bottom corner of the screen to see what day it was. lol. Sunny, cold and an okay 2 walks, she didnt listen well and I am still sore. Better than last night when I had a lot of pain in my back and my R knee, didnt sleep well at all fitbit says 88% and I do believe it for sure this time. Not tired now , just not rested. Oh well.

Wish hubby would feel better soon, he is coughing and no energy at all. He even said he has things he wants to get done, but even going out to stand the compost bin up after the wind knocked it over tired him out. I don't let allie go wake him before 9 :30 now figuring he needs his sleep but he is also getting into that not being tired and going to bed at 2;30 -3 which isn't good for him.

So have read 3 blogs on New years eve and by the last one I was sad, and nearly crying, man it all comes down to my birthday and how I so don't like it. I don't mind the attention, the happy birthdays etc. I think it is cos I allow it to be the END of the YEAR that I have failed myself yet again. Then I get into am I not worth it even to myself... then spirals from there. So read the last one and thought better blog this out or will be a blubbering mess.
I know I have done good for me things this year, I also have done good for others. I can't allow myself to only see that I didn't get to a goal especially when I don't set good goals.
I know I say I will lose or exercise, or eat well etc. but also know that I am like most, hard on myself.
Anyway....... same ole thing this year... putting myself down and not letting myself see or acknoweldge the good, the healthy, the being nice to me that I did do.
For now I hear dh coughing so he is awake. I am going to get the kettle on as I haven't had a cup of tea yet and we both will want one. I sometimes wish I could just go away all alone for a day/night in a small cabin with woodstove, me tea, journal, books and a good fire going with a warm bed. lol DD asked me what I wanted for my birthday, wouldn't they all be some surprised if I said that! I have never been away alone since I was married, other than to go to take the kids to my parents when hubby was away on course. I did take a day trip with girlfriends to anothers house about 18 years ago.
One of those retreats for women... oh yea, hubby actually said we could go to the one in ON sometime, drive and camp then I could go do that for the 3 days and he and dog would camp. Have to think about it.
HUGS and now to go have hot cup of tea on this sunny but cold cold wind day!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Just look where you were, a year ago, and you'll be pleasantly surprised to see notable progress. Keep on keepin' on! emoticon emoticon
    1904 days ago
  • OJ_2_OK
    Don't focus so much on the overall weigh loss. Look at the fact of all the activity you are getting with Allie. And how you are such an encouraging spark member. You are still here and trying. Those are all successes that you are overlooking. Don't focus on the goals not accomplished think of the things you have. :)
    1904 days ago
    OH Jill wish I could respond but without your spark page I don't know how. I hope you are doing fine and I wish you well. I so do miss you...
    1904 days ago
    Hello old friend! I found a cheap retreat space near my home that gave me a chance to be alone, reflect and was worth every cent and I plan to do it again this year. Went thru a year of counselling to learn that I am an introvert forced into a culture of introverts. Without time and space to reflect and renew...I get crazy an depressed. Peace and blessing on you!
    1904 days ago
    Happy Birthday you have made progress! You are blogging to friends instead of slipping on that terrible spiral down!! That in itself is huge!! I am so proud of you! You really ought to ask your DD's for that gift for your birthday. They can stay with Dad so you aren't worried about him, you can rest and do just what pleases yourself and when you come home you will be refreshed and able to tackle the needs at home! Think on it!
    Hugs and blessings!

    1904 days ago
    we all need time alone, one day it will happen, take care and maybe start a collage on everything positive that has happened this year
    1904 days ago
    ... everyone needs time alone sometime. Maybe you can plan on doing that,I think it would do wonders for you. emoticon

    Don't be so hard on yourself, you are doing great!... I haven't reached my goal yet either, and I have been trying to reach it for years... but I can say that I am closer than I was at the beginning of 2012 and I also have a better understanding of what I need to do in order to reach my goal!

    ... so don't despair, you are not alone, we are all in this together and we will make it happen. emoticon I am rooting for you! emoticon

    emoticon Let's rock 2013... emoticon emoticon

    ~ Dee emoticon

    PS:... I hope your hubby feels better soon! emoticon
    1904 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/29/2012 3:18:29 PM
    Ah...there, I found you again. I'm with the "you're way too hard on yourself" side! You are such an inspiration to so many. And the dedication you have to blogging is fantastic. You judge yourself far harder than anyone else.

    I often would go to visit family in FL with the kids, then alone. I say, make a retreat a 2013 goal for yourself. The family can survive without you and it would be good for everyone. emoticon

    You really do have many strengths and so the thought should be why do you continue to see failure?

    Sending you uplifting positive thoughts. The end of a year is no different than the end of another day. The strength is in us continuing to do the work, wherever it take us.

    I sure am happy to have met you along the way!
    1904 days ago
    I came up short of my 2012 goal also, but I am much farther ahead of the game than I was a year ago. So just keep trucking!!! Make your commitment. This time next year you will be so glad you did!!

    Thanks for sharing!


    Smile and Enjoy the Rest of Your Day!
    Melinda (gopintos)
    Perfect Health Diet Team
    Country Living Team
    Dr Oz Show Fans Team
    Wheat Belly Team

    1904 days ago
    emoticon Sweetie, take good care of you. Sounds like a locked door and some personal space is in order! Hang in, and feel better.
    1904 days ago
    Cinders you are WAY TOO HARD on yourself hun!
    Have to agree with PCOHO51610.

    You have my love and support as always babe, you know that.
    Maybe the retreat alone would do wonders for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    1904 days ago
  • PCOH051610
    Oh boy, you do sound overwhelmed. For this birthday why don't you pledge to be kinder to yourself? Don't set yourself up to fail and every night before you go to bed think of the good things you did for yourself that day. I have a huge problem in being the "all or nothing" type but once I started appreciating some of the little stuff I realized I'm okay. I suffer from major depression so sometimes my thankful list is pretty mundane ( e.g. I washed my face and applied sunscreen) but other it does help with my mindset.

    I think you should take that trip sounds lovely
    1904 days ago
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