Bloody hell if its not one thing its another.
As I look around my immediate family – which now consists of my sister, her 4 children whom I love dearly and THEIR children I see a healthy, happy, slim, adjusted sane lot of people.
No indications of heart disease or obesity or addictions of any kind – unless you count my nephew Timothy's addiction to all things sport on TV. God he'll watch two slugs climb a wall if there is a crowd there :)
I am adopted and sometimes I feel quite lonely as I battle through multiple addictions and see that my family doesn't really get how addictions work or how someone can not just say no. I often think that there must be a genetic link in there somewhere as I know my birth mother was not a well adjusted or well looked after woman and had many problems of her own.
They are kind and sweet and loving but … they just don’t understand how someone can be so addicted to something like food or alcohol that it can change or ruin their lives.
They do love their Uncle David though and despite his many misgivings he is always a welcome member of the family. It would just be nice if at least one of them struggled with food or smoking or drinking so they could understand what addiction is lol
Damn them why aren't they all raging obese alcoholics!!!
And I am tired of being the Uncle (their only Uncle actually) who always has to be the one who we need to make allowances for and remember he is battling whatever the heck it is.
SO now that my long term depression has finally broken and I am feeling much better and getting life back in order and ticking off lists of long overdue admin stuff (and driving a car that is actually registered and insured – I literally do NOTHING when I am depressed) and controlling food and counting calories and making healthy choices?
Its time to have a drink to celebrate. Lets have two. Lets have 12 – its been months since you had a good old drink and you are feeling so good why not celebrate it!
I know this is not a site about alcohol but its just frustrating that as I peel off one addiction another comes roaring in to fill its space.
BUT I attended an online AA meeting last night and I am absolutely going back to daily meetings from tomorrow.
The one that seems to be definitely under control is gambling. Although I will admit if I had another $50,000 in my bank account that would probably be a different story.
And of course I will continue to smoke my way through all of this drama.
And bite my nails when I have a moment. But who has time with all that drinking and eating and gambling and smoking and TV watching? How can I fit ANYTHING else in!
I don't know about many of you but I am sure weight and food addiction is often not a solitary thing and we have other things in life that we do that we think “Why the heck am I doing this. Its not good for me. Why am I doing this” and rumble along merrily doing it.
And the point of this long winded ramble?
I guess its that no matter what we say or do the fight is squarely focused in our heads. We can run a mile or do 50 crunches or Zumba our butts for hours but if our head is not in the game? We won't get there.
So look forward to all my Spark friends helping me keep my head in the game and I promise to do the same in return!