Read about how I feel broken, and how I plan on fixing it there.
I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to use Sparkpeople for the new year.
I don't feel like I quite belong here, and yet, I know and love so many of you and crave the love and support you give me.
And I miss talking to all of you.
I have been hiding. From you, from me, from a site focused on losing weight when I can't even manage to walk a quarter of a mile any longer.
Inside I'm all super-athlete and outside I'm just me. Broken old me.
The girl that has been talking and thinking about doing a triathlon since the first day of her first 5k but has not been able to push her body anywhere near a fighting training form.
I've been afraid that being here will remind me too much of all the things I CANNOT do. As you know, I hate being told that I CANNOT do something...but my body is reminding me of my limitations every day.
But I probably will be back with a different plan.
1) Eating right. I'm starting with a Whole30 cleanse, which I hope to vlog every day even if it's rough and raw on my camera phone. I'll let you know where to find those (or might add them here as well).
2) Stretching. I always commented on how extremely flexible I am. Turns out I am...except my feet/ankles. My legs are still super tight every day and I'm going to have to figure out some way to stretch and yoga and flexy-bend my way to a better lower body. I'm fighting these feet, PF, horrible knee joints and an off-centered pelvis, so it's going to take finding that perfect mix of stretching enough but not too much, icing when necessary, and maybe even some hot baths in bath salts to relax my tired muscles. I have to teach my body to produce the right types of collagen and worth WITH me here, not against me!
3) Balancing what I want with what I need. I'm going to be putting myself out there this year. I need to take care of myself and try to fulfill my needs in life in whatever I way I can without relying upon anyone else to fulfill that happiness in me. I know you're all like, "Well, DUH!" but what I mean is, I cannot wait for some company to figure out that I'm worth paying more money because I'll put in the effort and giving me the chance I need. The job market sucks and I cannot rely upon anything changing in my job situation right now for the better. But I can put myself out there in other ways that might help my family and fulfill my happy meter. I jjust have to find out how to do that.
So, yea...not sure where I'm going with this.
I have to sort out what all this is going to look like and I need to sort it out soon! 2012 is almost over!