Friday, December 28, 2012
I've been in a three month binge cycle. Not every day, though lately it's been almost every day. And in that time I've gained almost 12 pounds of the 26 pounds I lost. Today I'm publicly committing to stopping the madness.
Now, I know that my life has also been turned completely upside down during these three months. Completely.
But I also know that in gaining 12 pounds, I've been punishing myself. The binging, the self-loathing, the self-sabotaging behavior have all exacerbated an already very very stressful time.
Binging has been my go-to escape route since I was a child. Somehow I learned that when I felt stressed, scared, angry, frustrated, lonely, insecure, vulnerable, confused or any other uncomfortable emotion, if I binged, I'd feel numb and then I'd be able to obsess about my weight instead of handling the uncomfortable emotion.
These past three months that behavior came flying back with a vengeance.
Now it's time to stop.
I need to feel healthy, secure and strong, for myself and my family. I need to love myself so that I have love to give others around me. I need to get back to self care, which is far easier than this awful binge/self-loathing cycle.
Today is a new day and I'm feeling ready to turn things back around.