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A new day, needing to stop the madness

Friday, December 28, 2012

I've been in a three month binge cycle. Not every day, though lately it's been almost every day. And in that time I've gained almost 12 pounds of the 26 pounds I lost. Today I'm publicly committing to stopping the madness.

Now, I know that my life has also been turned completely upside down during these three months. Completely.

But I also know that in gaining 12 pounds, I've been punishing myself. The binging, the self-loathing, the self-sabotaging behavior have all exacerbated an already very very stressful time.

Binging has been my go-to escape route since I was a child. Somehow I learned that when I felt stressed, scared, angry, frustrated, lonely, insecure, vulnerable, confused or any other uncomfortable emotion, if I binged, I'd feel numb and then I'd be able to obsess about my weight instead of handling the uncomfortable emotion.

These past three months that behavior came flying back with a vengeance.

Now it's time to stop.

I need to feel healthy, secure and strong, for myself and my family. I need to love myself so that I have love to give others around me. I need to get back to self care, which is far easier than this awful binge/self-loathing cycle.

Today is a new day and I'm feeling ready to turn things back around.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNERRACHEL 12/29/2012 1:38AM

    You're taking the right step in coming out and asking for help/support/ accountability from people who are more than willing to help.

Getting help and support for you and your family and seeking out ways to deal with your stress other than bingeing will help you. emoticon

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WATERMELLEN 12/28/2012 7:52PM

    LE7_1234 says just what I'd want to say only so much better. Yeah! What you're dealing with is so tough: and getting the support YOU need is crucial.

All best to you. Self-loathing and self-sabotage you absolutely do NOT deserve, no no no.

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MJREIMERS 12/28/2012 10:32AM

    Hang in there! Sometimes life sucks, but that's when we turn to others for support, take that hand and pull ourselves up. It's not easy, but you know that you'd be there for a friend...now turn to someone else to be there for you. It may be a friend, coworker or maybe a psychologist or dietitian. They really can help you turn the corner and focus on you! Sometimes women lose themselves taking care of others only to find that we would do a much better job when we take care of ourselves first. I do understand and wish I could do more for you. I can give you emoticon and prayers.

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LE7_1234 12/28/2012 10:16AM

    Hey, Julie, how's your level 2 and 3 support going? Did you look into counseling or support groups for you and/or your daughter, for dealing with your husband's illness?

You are dealing with major issues here. It is not a sign of weakness that you turned back to your age-old coping mechanism. It is NOT a sign of failure. It may be a sign that right now you need a little more than what you can get out of listening to a podcast, or reading or writing a blog.

Are you making time to deal with your own health issues? Put on your own oxygen mask first....

emoticon

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 12/28/2012 9:35AM

    emoticon

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MIMIDOT 12/28/2012 9:12AM

    Good for you! One day at a time! You can do it! Good luck! Make 2013 your year. Spark on!

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ANDREWMOM 12/28/2012 9:08AM

    I am in the same boat...you WILL get it together and contimue on!!!

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WILLOWBROOK5 12/28/2012 9:03AM

    You can do it and you WILL do it! emoticon

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