Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

    MONIQUE138   14,637
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints

Holiday Eating tips (Funny)

Friday, December 28, 2012

Holiday eating tips
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin,Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season!!

Thanks to one of my fishing buddies who wrote this I had to share. I thought it was funny so please don't take this seriously. I will not let this way of thinking ruin my journey.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CIERAPOET 12/31/2012 2:48PM

    That Is Funny! And Even Funnier When I Read It The First Time I Had To Go Back To Make Sure I Was Reading It Correctly Because I Thought...For A Moment That They Were Serious! emoticon

Thanks For Sharing And Happy New Year's Eve!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIZZIECA55 12/29/2012 5:02PM

    How funny is that!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SKEEWEE2MEK 12/28/2012 9:12PM

    I enjoyed reading this emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
X5X52000 12/28/2012 7:55PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BABY_GIRL69 12/28/2012 5:07PM

    Those parties better some good & BAD stuff there or I am absolutely gone! lmbo

God bless & enjoy everyday!


Report Inappropriate Comment
EPIPHANYANGEL 12/28/2012 4:13PM

    emoticon loved it especially 3 and 5 emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAT609 12/28/2012 10:58AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
GARDENCHRIS 12/28/2012 10:35AM

    sounds like a plan!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CYNCERELY4ME 12/28/2012 9:57AM

    LOL!!!! I'm reading this like WHAT. Great way to start the morning. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KTTAYLOR21 12/28/2012 9:28AM

    That was too cute!! I love it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LAG1212 12/28/2012 8:51AM

    Very cute but dangerous 4 my health. It makes for a good Happy Holiday... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVESLIFE48 12/28/2012 8:29AM

    I like the "chocolate in one hand and wine in the other"!! emoticon

Wishing you much success in 2013!!!!!! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MONIQUE138 12/28/2012 8:22AM

    This was a joke from one of my fishing buddies and had to share. I know we will not take him serious.

Great comeback MYBULLDOGS.

Comment edited on: 12/28/2012 8:23:15 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
MYBULLDOGS 12/28/2012 8:06AM

    heres what i do to be successful

i have lost 44 pounds by giving up grain and sugar products.

i walk 15000 steps a day.

i use a salad plate as my dinner plate.

i keep mandrtan oranges in the fridge. when the sweet tooth comes on i grab one or two tablespoons of the fruit.

have a great day

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

Log in to post a comment.

Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

Other Entries by MONIQUE138