Friday, December 28, 2012
This year was a doozy.
Frustration with old job. New job. FIRED from new job. Unemployment. Major depressive episode. First ever antidepressant prescription. Frantic job search. Hurricane Sandy. Suffocating debt...
I did not take care of myself this year. I was not kind to myself. I didn't see the point of living, much less of fitness and proper nutrition.
After my doctor prescribed something to ease the anxiety and depression, I was able to see clearly enough to imagine shifting gears. A seasonal retail job and the upcoming excitement of returning to my old corporate job have lifted my spirits and enabled me to envision a brighter New Year.
Most importantly: I forgive myself. Clearly, I have made some poor choices and stumbles in addition to the curveballs thrown my way. I didn't cope well with the reality of my life this year. Still, I refuse to continue to kick myself while I'm down.
It's no secret to me or anyone who sees me that I have a weight problem. I've always been chubbier than I would have liked, but for about 5 years now I have been FAT. I topped my own previous highest weight this year, and fear the scale will have more bad news when I finally step on.
I was proud of the way I dealt with food through Thanksgiving, but this Christmas my eating was out of control. Even in the wake of being disgustingly full, I have continued to overeat to an almost comic degree. I feel bloated and flabbier than ever. I HATE the way my body feels, inside out.
With a return to the 9-to-5 world coming up on January 7, I look forward to not only a stable paycheck, but a stable routine. I'm already dreaming of waking early for a banana and some water, followed by some light cardio at the gym. I can't wait to dig into some wholesome oatmeal at my desk just before business hours--or the fruit and yogurt that will help me stave-off pre-lunch hunger.
For lunch, I will make my signature grab-and-go salads. I like to take 5 containers and prepare my salads for the week all at once--and I pack them with protein and flavor.
Grilled chicken strips, black beans, asparagus spears and romaine lettuce with a generous drizzle of flavorful chipotle dressing. My favorite!
The evenings are more difficult for me, diet-wise. I hope a habit of MORNING exercise will set me up to not "ruin the day" by overindulging later. It will also spare me the trouble of bargaining with myself to exercise if I'm tired after work. However, I hope to use Zumba classes or other fun activities (such as outdoor walks with a friend) to keep myself active, social and amused without spending money.
I can do this. I can lead a healthy life and keep the focus on what is most important: Being kind to myself.