Friday, December 28, 2012
I debated adding that question mark at the end of the blog title because I wanted to sound confident as I wrote this...but the truth is I am not confident. I have been on and off of Spark People. I have been successful and unsuccessful.
I know that I want badly to be healthy and thin. I have not actually done much to attain it. In fact, I have not adjusted my schedule much since I returned to work full time after being a full time mom. And I am the queen of the excuses. I always have one and it is usually very logical and believable.
Except that I don't believe them anymore.
I want to work toward this goal...now. I want to achieve my dream of being healthy...while my children are still young and I can play with them. I want to model for them what healthy eating and a balanced life looks like. I want to be confident in who God has made me to be and I do not want food to win. I do not want to be gluttonous anymore.
I have discovered that I eat to keep busy when I am bored or being social. I eat when I am sad, frustrated or lonely. Whenever we go out, I think about where to eat and when I wake up in the morning, I start planning meals for my family and myself. I don't need to eat or think this way, right? Food is not that important! Especially because after I indulge, I feel so guilty and so disgusted with myself.
So as 2013 approaches in just a few short days, I am praying for Godly wisdom in making a lifestyle change--Not something temporary that is unsustainable. I have to pray for balance in the midst of this struggle because I still want to be a mommy to three, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an employee, an active church member, a friend, and I want be to me to me. As a community, I seek your encouragement, your prayers and your assistance in keeping me accountable.
First step, daily checking into SP and logging food.