Wednesday, December 26, 2012
As the new year approaches, I'm sure most are thinking about how the new year is going to bring hope for a better job, a better relationship, a better situation, a better YOU. I know that I often get wrapped up in the excitement and think the same things. But I also know that I don't have to wait until the new year. I've spent the last seven months working toward those goals and will continue the progress. Each and every day, I pray for the courage and strength to work through the things I need to work through and for the willingness to work toward my goals.
I've learned in this last year that you are responsible for yourself. No other person or thing will bring you fulfillment or happiness. I've learned that you can lose weight and still feel horrible about yourself. I've learned that the more open you are, the more that you'll receive what you need to receive. I've learned that by reaching out to help others, you get all the help you'll ever need. I've also learned that this is VERY HARD for me and that I need to stop being such a hermit in the times where I need people the most.
I've committed to working on my marriage. I've committed to taking walks. I buy more athletic gear than anything else these days. I do this because I know that other possessions while they will make me happy for a second, won't lead me toward achieving my goal of health. I've committed to tracking my food. Today, I went over by 200 calories. I felt a pang of shame and then I let it go. I tracked it, I was honest. Honesty will set you free when you're a compulsive overeater like myself.
I've written a letter to someone that wronged me explaining what hurt my feelings and I forgave them. I haven't heard back, but at least I finally sent the letter. I now realize that I don't like everyone and that's okay. Some people will just get on your nerves. I don't have to have their approval. Los Angeles is full of rude people, but it's also full of giving, generous, smart people, too. I don't need to generalize anymore.
Most of all, I know that going forward that it's an inside job. The weight will only come off when I get rid of the rest of the baggage. It's a process and I'm no longer at the beginning, but I'm enjoying the journey. I'm committing to excellence because I'd expect no less.
Happy New Year, my fellow Sparkers!