Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Right now there's a trending topic on twitter: #In2013NoMore
Some of the responses are jokes (#In2013NoMore 2012). Others are totally not unique or thoughtful (#In2013NoMore BS/laziness/excuses/dealing with XXX/end of the world predictions). Most of these are really stupid and have no meaning beyond reading the last word. Still, it got me thinking. What do I want to put a stop to in 2013 that I can make happen?
#In2013NoMore letting others' negativity, hate, and insecurities dictate my goals and dreams. To never try is to guarantee failure.
That's what I wrote. But that's only a small part to what I want to be different next year. I don't want others' problems to determine how I feel about myself. I'm so done with people telling me what I can and can't do because of the fake rules they've created about what are the acceptable and unacceptable ways for a person to behave. So what if I enjoy a tv show someone else thinks is stupid or if I abhor what they choose to watch? If I know I'm unable to do something because of my disability no one has the right to tell me to 'suck it up' and 'you're not allowed to complain.' I choose to stand up for my rights to be treated with respect.
I also am making the choice that while I am a giving person who enjoys helping others when and how I can, I will stop selling my own fragile self-esteem to anyone who chooses to complain about everything while never doing anything to change what they don't like. Every person chooses how they act or react to the events in their lives; allowing others to dictate our emotions and our actions is selling ourselves to the loudest bidder. I will always emotionally support those who strive to emotionally support themselves. It's my choice that in 2013 I will let go of those who are using emotional blackmail to force me to give them the negative attention they desperately crave. I will fight the urge to feel that I am a bad person if I can't help someone to change their lives when they are so entrenched in their unhappiness that they refuse to move beyond it. I can't help someone who refuses to help him/herself.
I noticed recently that there are some people in my life who do everything they can to suck every bit of happiness from my life (several of them are family members). As I reflected on it more, I realized they are unable to feel joy because they only feel alive when they are miserable. By emotionally destroying me and pulling me back to their level, they feel content because there is no reason for them to move beyond their misery. Because my deep empathy causes me to take others' emotions into myself, then try to haul them out of the misery with me, I'm drowning. So I believe the next stage in my recovery from my life-long battle with depression is to stop trying to make others follow me out of the misery. It is not my fault they are there and it is not my job to make their problems my own in order to fix them. I am but a single person, thus I have but a single person to fix. I must be okay with that. I will still help and support others, but when I am expected to feel guilt over someone else's choices it will be the sign that it is time for me to move on.
Here's to 2013 and a better me.
Sparkfriends, finish the phrase for yourself: In 2013 no more...