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    AZULVIOLETA6   65,213
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Mothers, Daughters & Body Image

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Ha! Revenge is sweet! My mother loves to make a big deal out of how "huge" my arms are and how I couldn't possibly use a regular blood-pressure cuff--not true, the standard one fits me just fine. So today I measured--my very muscular arms are 12" around...and her flabby arms are 14" even though she has a much smaller frame size than I do (she’s nearly a foot shorter than I am) my arms are actually SKINNIER! Ah, much fun.

Now if I could just get her to lay off about my boobs. Apparently, large-chested women should never wear v-neck tops. I am very careful never to let her see me in a wrap dress. Really though, I think my boobs are most obvious when I wear a turtle or cowl neck…but whatever. The real issue may be that she is a B and I am a DD, but that only occurred to me recently. After 85 pounds of weight loss, my breasts are still the same size, so I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do about that. I am fairly conservative about clothes and do NOT dress in a skanky way at all…but I don’t want to dress like a nun either, especially in clothes that are meant for going out.

In some ways, I think I have a pretty good body image for someone my size. Even when I weighed 300 pounds, I judged myself more by accomplishments and achievements than by the number on the scale. Growing up though, I was always convinced that I was hugely fat. I did get teased by other kids, but now I am wondering how much of this idea really came from my mother.

I look back at pictures of myself in elementary school and I see someone who is much taller than her peers, but I was never really overweight—not by more than a few pounds. I was athletic—I played team sports, swam, rode my bicycle everywhere. I was FINE the way I was.

In that picture, I was four years old, as were the other girls in my ballet class. Sure, I am bigger, but even then my mother was trying to dress me to hide me. I see no reason why I couldn’t just wear a leotard and tights to dance class like everybody else.

I like this picture better. I think that I was in first grade at this time. Self-esteem girl doesn't care what anybody thinks!

Does anybody else have similar issues?

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SIMONEKP 1/19/2014 7:28PM

    so cute, I like the bottom one best as well.

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KATLILY 7/14/2013 9:59PM

  I have always thought v-necks look great on large-chested women.

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SAGE150 1/1/2013 10:41PM

    My goodness! You were such a cutie-patootie as a kid! Look at all that beautiful hair! Surely you had an ornery brother who pulled it all the time as luck would have it. ;)


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SAGE150 1/1/2013 10:39PM

    Oh, honey! Wear that V-neck and flaunt it! And it won't look sleezy. It will look carnosa! My goodness your mom is paranoid about fat, and I think that is more about her than it is about *you* dear. You are precious and gorgeous, sugar plum. Don't let her hang-ups interfere with the positive identity you have created for yourself. Congratulations on accomplishing so much in the health and weightloss department! You're doing great! Don't worry about the boobs. They're always the last to go....or not....or so I have found. I don't mind, and neither do the men. Most men want at least a little bit of meat to hold on to. And, just to be fair since I don't know you...if you prefer other sexes or genders, I'm sure they would embrace you just as warmly just the way you are. :)

Co-leader, SABOR: Latin Dance Flavor

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LIBBYL1 12/27/2012 12:15AM

  my mother who is tiny, 86 years old and can still touch her toes always had her own body image problems. She says she was fat as a child and our whole lives she never had second helpings, never had gravy, never had much dessert etc etc...and without ever imposing this on us, made us all feel that putting on weight was the ultimate failure. I have been moderately over weight for long periods of my life, my younger sister was anorexic for a portion of hers and my older sister would still be classified as obese - though she hides her binging and blames it on hormonal etc imbalances.

But, I once suggested to mum that she had an eating disorder and she was so upset about the thought that she might have inadvertently created eating challenges for each of us that I have never brought it up again. She tends to blame herself for everything.

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NAYPOOIE 12/26/2012 9:21PM

    Congratulations on getting through childhood with your self esteem intact.

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AZULVIOLETA6 12/26/2012 5:45PM

    Oh, I don't keep quiet and was accused just now of being disrespectful for saying that my mother is bigger than I am. I'm sorry, but if you posit a scenario, you'd better be able to back it up with some data! My mother did medical research--she knows that this is true. So she was pissed that I measured, but she knows that I am right too.

I am just about at the point where I wear a smaller jean size than my mother. I wasn't going to mention this...but now I feel like I might need to point it out when it happens. emoticon

I made the point that constantly putting ME down for my body is also pretty disrespectful. I am 37 years old--she really doesn't get any say in how I dress, or really ANYTHING that I choose to do with my body.

My mother certainly managed to dent my self-esteem growing up, but in spite of really trying, she never broke it.

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NIKKICOLE83 12/26/2012 5:31PM

    Ooooh absolutely! I have actually considered going to counseling for this and other issues passed down from my mom. I usually keep quiet out of fear of sounding ungrateful-my mom was hardowrking and provided will for us and gave us structure. On the other hand, she has tried her best to rid me of any ounce of self-esteem. But I am just like little "self-esteem girl" above; I loved myself. My mom told me from a young age that as soon as I turned 14 she was going to get me a nose job because my nose was fat and round and her and my brother had long, straight noses. My hair was a reddish, brown lion's mane and she said she was going to die it and straighten it. She put me on my first medically supervised diet at 9 years old. I remember her cursing me out and yelling at me in Shopko when I was 10 because I could not fit into the size 8 Misses jeans that she had me try on. When the 10s were too tight, I lied and said they fit fine so I wouldn't disappoint her. Now here she is overweight and unhappy, convincing herslef that her weight is due to medicine (its not) and I am being successful on my journey. All in all, it made me who I am.

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