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    EVER-HOPEFUL   185,813
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looking back to move forward

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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

before i start my reflections blog i want to take this oputunity to thank each and every one of you for all your support,love,encouragement and inspiration you have given me on this my never ending journey.only some of you(you know who you are)i would never have got this far and would have given up long emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

i started this my journey nearly 4 years ago on the 26 january 2009 when i eventually came out of hospital after the birth of my son ayman on the 26th november the two months i was in hospital after his birth i nearly died 3 times and had to have two emergency operations which saved my live.since his birth there has been several more ops and i have nearly died since then and one time had to be actually resussitated .so that is how close to death i was,lol.the events after aymans birth sort of woke me up.i knew i was over weight.who at 330lbs doesnīt know they are over my case though even though i was overweight i never ever(still donīt)had any of the medical problems asociated with being overweight.i had/have slightly low blood pressure not high.(infact my dr says i perfect blood pressure as when i get upset or angry etc it goes into the normal blood pressure range)the lung specialist has always been surprized at how good my blood gases are.she even said my blood gases when i had my cluster of lung embolies were better than herīs.(she is really thin and 30 years younger than me)i just replied when she said that.doesnīt it make you want to do something about your blood gases?she just looked blank at me back.i have never had diabetes not even in any one of my 6 preggnancies and i also have low blood even though i was overweight i never saw it as a reason to do anything to change was only when i started having medical problems (none weight related)that i decided it was time to do something about my weight as well.i had three small mother died when i was young and i didnīt want the same thing happening to my children.though it has been a very rough ride this last few years with lots of ups and downs(not just in the weight loss department)it has been worth while.i have gained lots from this site that i havenīt always had in my real life.that is unwavering support,understanding,friendsh
ip,love etc etc.donīt get me wrong i have love at home from my husband and children etc but sometimes it is not enough.if there are too many stresses etc the suppport can sometimes be lost under the burden of stress.sometimes i need to talk and get things of my chest there and then and noone is around by me in my real world,or they are sleeping etc.because this is like a 24 hour thing no matter when i write it her and get things off my chest there is always someone to answer and uplift me.sometimes people in our own life have enough of their own burdens that we donīt want to give them our burdens as well or let them know how weak we really are sometimes.we want them to see us as strong which even if we are most of the time there are times when we have weaknesīs.after all we are only human.also i donīt know about you sometimes it is easier to get things out when we put it down on paper so to speak.i know i had more support and love from here re my facial paralise than i had in real life where i had looks stares and comments.i had comments from you here but they were building up comments to bolster my ego,not bring me down.they were to encourage me and to give me face so to speak.all of you who replied to that blog i thank you from the bottom of my heart you really donīt know how much it meant and still means to me. here is a link to that blog which was so hard for me to post,but the blog because of the response that i was glad i had can see what you wrote and know why i was greateful for what you had wrote.

it is thanks to you people here that i even have the courage to repost the link to the blog.see how far i have come.anyway back to my journey when i started this journey i weighed 330lbs i now weight 186lbs which is a weight loss of 144lbs total so has not been easy by has been a great struggle and still is.i still have 36lbs to go and hope to make it in the coming year but if i donīt i donīt.main thing to me is by the end of next year i donīt want to weigh more than i weigh now.this shows how far i have come.before i was obsessed with getting to goal and wanted it here and to me it is the journey that counts more than the actual weight loss.if i get to goal weight next year or in 5 years,is ok.main thing is i get to goal and learn things on the way.this last year i have lost 27.5lbs which may not seem alot compared with some ,i have some spark friends that have lost over 100lbs in 9 months and i am pleased for them but i am also pleased and proud of what i achieved this last year.27.5 lbs is an aweful lot when you concider all i went through this last year or two in fact it is great.january this year i weighed 204.5 lbs and i now weigh 186lbs that to me is mostly down to you my lovely friends here on spark people.the other really big thing that has happened this year and is something i have tried in the past loads of times but this time i think i have cracked it.I HAVE NOT HAD A DIET COKE IN OVER 3 ya me. emoticon.
there have been over NSV like fitting into the emrald ring my father gave me for my 18th birthday,going down dress sizes etc but to me the biggest not only this year but since my journey is definately NO DIET COKE.i have only drank water since then as i donīt like tee or on the whole it has been a successful year for me.
what plans have i for next year?good question,can i answer it?some.mainly because i havenīt looked that far yet.i do know iwould like to loose weight .i do know i donīt want to put my weight back on.i would like to meet goal but that isnīt as important as it once isnīt the be all,end all that it once was.what is more important is being true to myself,building up my consistancey,stopping my emotional eating if that is at all least get it more under more open to new ideas,getting into strength more.being there more for others here on sp like they have been here for me.being more organised(better around the house,lol)more planning re food,time,etc,etc.having more me time,more acceptance that my life will always have stress in it and learning to deal with it you see even though weight loss is still important for me it is no longer in the forefront .life is in the forfront.the life i want to live,the life i want my children to have.another thing i really want to do is get across to everyone who is on this journey is that it is possible.if i can do it with all my life throws at me then anyone can.they can but only if they really want to.want to for yourself and not to other people.only if you are willing to work for it.but hey anything worth having is worth working for.remember you are are worth being the best possible person you can are worth lifing your life to the are worth having the energy instead of being tires and lethargic all the time.YOU are YOU.YOU are SPECIAL.YOU are UNIQUE.YOU are WORTH.remember that.

i have a favour to ask you my friends.i have a secret ambition since being on spark and i am hoping you will help me reach my ambition.i would like to reach out as many people as possible just once to let people who are just started this journey or feel like giving up as they donīt seem to be getting anywhere.i want them to know it is possible that they have the POWER.that they can do itfor that i need to once be voted as a popular blog so my friends if you like this blog press the like button,post the link to this blog along so more people can read it and like it. just to know that i have maybe helped,support and inspired some people to keep going like you have all supported,helped and inspired me will mean alot.thanks to you all once again and i wish you all a great,happy,healthy,fun new year. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
NCSUE0514 12/27/2012 8:13AM


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MIMIDOT 12/27/2012 7:54AM

    Thank you for sharing. Have a great 2013!

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JANEMARIE77 12/27/2012 7:49AM

    thanks for sharing

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CFMOSS 12/27/2012 7:48AM

    You're doing great especially through some very challenging times. Keep up the good work and happy, healthy 2013.

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TEACHING1ST 12/27/2012 7:42AM

    It sounds like you've succeeded despite the odds and having better health is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Sharing your journey with others is also a great gift. May you continue on this path and have a wonderful new year.

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CLAYARTIST 12/27/2012 7:32AM

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CRYSALLIS1 12/27/2012 7:19AM

    Loved your blog. Step be step brings leads to great progress and you are proving that. Congrats emoticon . Thanks for the encouragement you have givn me.

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MOSTMOM1 12/27/2012 6:54AM

    I'm so proud of you, not just for your progress, but for sharing your journey. I think that helps keep us moving in the right direction. SparkBuddies like you are the reason this community is so supportive and encouraging. Thanks for spreading your Spark!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OSDOWNS 12/27/2012 6:30AM


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THEIS58 12/27/2012 6:23AM

    Love the progress!

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TDEMAIO2 12/27/2012 6:22AM

    emoticon What a GREAT journey and thank you for sharing! You just gave me the push I needed to get up and workout : )

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CHICCHANTAL 12/27/2012 6:21AM

    Sweetie, re the blog, I reckon you've got it! In any case this is one of the best blogs I've ever read on SparkPeople, because you're so completely open. And you are right, we get support from one another on here that we don't get elsewhere, that's what makes SP unique.

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GINGERVISTA 12/27/2012 6:18AM

    So glad to hear your health has improved, especially after that terribly scary part you experienced. I'm sure the people at the offices of SparkPeople--especially Chris--are thrilled to know that SP has not only helped improved yet another person's health, but also saved another life.
I'm so happy for you! Continued success, well-being & happiness! emoticon emoticon

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LUNABYRD 12/27/2012 6:12AM

    This has inspired me. Have a great and blessed 2013! emoticon

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STEVIEBEE569 12/27/2012 5:48AM

    Have an awesome 2013!

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KRISUA 12/27/2012 5:45AM

    thank you as well!

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NASFKAB 12/27/2012 5:44AM

  great job

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NEWCHINELO 12/27/2012 5:10AM


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SWEDE_SU 12/27/2012 5:08AM

    great motivating blog! good luck with your goals for 2013!

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FARIS71 12/27/2012 5:06AM

    What an amazing journey!

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THESLIMMERME1 12/27/2012 3:50AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOMFAN 12/27/2012 3:49AM


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MICKEYH 12/27/2012 3:31AM

    emoticon emoticon

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PHOENIX1949 12/27/2012 3:01AM

    emoticon emoticon

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IREN0169 12/27/2012 3:00AM

    What an inspiring story. emoticon

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GERRI4 12/27/2012 2:58AM

    What a super blog Karen! You have come so far and emoticon on no diet coke!!

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KAYTIE22 12/26/2012 8:35PM

    You are an amazing person and I admire you so much, certainly an inspiration to me. You have come so far and I know you are going to continue on your journey and reach your goals. My hope is that you will also be in good health and the same for your children. May 2013 be a good year for you.

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ACIMPEGGY 12/26/2012 7:56PM

    I admire your positive attitude! All the changes and stresses add up, huh? But you have survived!

As far as writing this down, dear, that is what the term 'journalling' means. It really helps! I have done it at times in my life...sometimes just writing a kind of meditation, sometimes a poem just pops out.

You have succeeded losing a great deal of weight and are a great motivator to the rest of us. I've been here 2 1/s years now and the last few months since my back trouble really began, I've gained back most of what I lost at first.

Thanks to your words, I am inspired to get back on track after the holidays and DO IT! Just like you!

Happy New Year to you and yours! emoticon

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ZANNACHAN 12/26/2012 1:29PM

    Great blog! I hope you have a fantastic 2013.

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POPSY190 12/26/2012 1:24PM

    Honest and inspiring. All the best for 2013. emoticon

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DEEGIRL50 12/26/2012 1:10PM

Thank you for sharing the journey. It wouldn't be the same without you.

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RAINBOWCHOC 12/26/2012 11:12AM

    I think you have overlooked the amount of encouragement you have given out over the weeks and months on Sparkpeople. You may have had a bad time personally but you are always there with an encouraging word for you "butties". Living in a country where you are not speaking your mother tongue will produce stresses of it's own, and having 3 young boys to keep an eye on makes you a supermum for that alone.
All your Sparkfriends are with you, we wish you well for 2013 and a big chunk of your recovery to happen soon.
big hugs (and cwtches)

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DEE797 12/26/2012 11:11AM

    I know you will reach your goals for 2013. You have been through a lot and still found the time to support and motivate others who have stumbled along the way. I am so thankful for your friendship and wish you continued success on your journey! emoticon emoticon

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POSITIVELY_EB 12/26/2012 9:24AM

    Karen, you are absolutely the sweetest and kindest person I know! I loved hearing from you on the phone that day! It made me feel so special! You've earned your wings many times over already! Good luck and prayers for you and your family over the next week or so!


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FITNHEALTHYKAL 12/26/2012 6:54AM

    You have had MANY NSVs this year and will have many more in 2013 another NEW year to grow and learn togehter Karen! You CAN and you WILL! Love you girl!

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SUSIEPH1 12/26/2012 6:43AM

    Loved your blog my lovely friend ..
You know you are so special to me and I admire your bravery and not only your blogging, but living though all that you have and still being a sweet and caring as you are ..You are so brave and loving and I can't imagine Sparkpeople with out you.. know that you have my love always ..
Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PATTOMMC3 12/26/2012 5:53AM


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RAPUNZEL53 12/26/2012 5:39AM

  Have a Great 2013!

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Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.