I was about to say I failed…
I have not been blogging regularly. I have not been logging food. I have not been exercising.
No, I am not surprised that my weight is about what it was when I joined SP nearly 3 years ago.
For a long time, I have been more or less “marking time” on SP. Earning points, minimally interacting with my SP family, going through the motions…As I read blogs, I made small comments. Humbled, thinking I have nothing to contribute since I am not walking the SP journey the way I know I need to be doing.
I am off from my full time job until January 2 except for one day this week. I decided I was going to cross a lot of things off my to do list, including errands and some professional development. I also decided I am going to get back into my kettlebells. My Christmas present to myself is a new KB DVD (not here yet). I have a rebate check for REI and I will probably use it towards a higher weight KB.
Even so. I am disappointed with myself for allowing life to get in the way of taking care of myself on my SP journey. I am very unhappy with my weight, I hate the way I feel, I hate the way I look and I really wonder if I have what it takes to start anew AND to stick with it and succeed.
I read blogs from _Linda with her battles with RA and sleeplessness. Exercise is her drug of choice (her words). There are days when I feel as if I can hardly move and her day begins with kickboxing or zumba or…I am humbled.
LDRICHEL is a swimmer and a runner and shared a wonderful blog about reevaluating her fitness journey, choosing balance. Recognizing there are other elements in her life, she is scaling back on her running regime in order to invest the time to maintain relationships. I could use such balance!
KNITTABLES is struggling financially, has a ton of stuff on her shoulders and still remains committed to her health and wellness. I am in her fan club, helpless to offer anything but words of encouragement.
TEENYBIKINI is just awesome. I love her turn of phrase and I am convinced that we would get along wonderfully if we met in real life.
CHICCHANTAL is another gifted wordsmith. She also shares wonderful pictures of her part of the world (I dare you to get her started on Cornwall!). I would love to meet her some day, too, but I cannot imagine I would follow her into the mud!
CMRAND54 is getting used to being retired. She and Sheila have been faithful SP friends almost from day one. They know what to say to keep me plugged in.
PIXILICIOUS faithfully posts on my SparkPage. I cannot match her for quantity of inspiration!
I read a comment from one of the SP employees on an email last week that said something about having the confidence to succeed. That is what I don’t have and have not had for a while.
Then I read a blog from ABA101, one of those blogs I found by clicking “blogs” from the banner. She asked for willpower to succeed. I usually flinch when I see “willpower” because, in my life, that word becomes a club with which I beat myself and feel a failure. So I commented on her blog that I wish her time. Time to think before she chooses….the exercise DVD over the cooking show, the water over the caloric drink…etc. She appreciated my comments and we are now SP friends.
That got me thinking. Outwardly, I am not making progress. But certain elements are becoming internalized. Subject of another blog will be thoughts about everything else in my life, but tonight’s is a musing about the community, the power of my SP family. Were it not for the fact that I really care about my SP family (including those not mentioned above), I would have given up and left long ago. Instead, I find myself reaching out and thinking of starting anew.
The title of my blog is a tribute to my grandfather. When my aunts and dad were children, they would egg their parents on about being anxious for Christmas. Bestifar (Grandfather in Norwegian) invented "Little Christmas Eve" to kind of let some steam off of the enthusiasm. Dad and my aunts were allowed to open a present from a friend on December 23.