Sunday, December 23, 2012
You know those cute letters that circulate at Christmas time. Usually telling you your dog learned to use the toilet or whatever minutia you think your friends might find interesting about your life. Well my family has a whole different version of that. Here is my dad's recent facebook letter to me after I told him I did not want to hear about his girlfriends anymore.
In quotes and with the spelling and grammer errors that Dad is so famous for. "Dear Tina Please Change your photo, it does not do you justice, you are a very good lucking lady please do not get mad at me, i love you no matter how you look, may be i put my foot in my mouth too many times, love dad. "
K. What do I do with that information? I sure as hell did not rush to change my facebook photo. Because #1) How I look is none of his business and sure I look a little washed out and have that permanent over the eye furrow. But it comes from the stress and wear and tear he helped cause. Besides he don't look so hot himself. Just a part of that emotionally incestuous pattern that has been going on all my life. Here is how I look guys. Can't help it most days.
And so last night my prodigal daughter returned. I was glad because I know she is not yet ready to live on her own being without a job and it being the dead of winter and all. I do not want to repeat the patterns that my dad foisted on me. I do not want to be in her way or in her business or have her in my business. I do want to fix the anger issues. So this is what I wrote to her and left near her breakfast dish.
" Toni this is my version of the fatted calf. Have a bagel.
My gift to you this Christmas is change. Change is scary. It doesn't mean I don't love you. It means we have to work out a better way. I will go for counseling this year. If you want to live here until you get it together enough to live on your own I would strongly suggest you attend some family counseling with me. It's high time we worked on our anger issues. I'm not saying it's all your fault but I am saying we can not scream at eachother anymore and expect to retain decent housing and mental health."
This is what I will change my Facebook photo to just to keep insisting on those boundaries.