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Sunday, December 23, 2012
I'm off work till jan 4th, one of the few benefits of working in the public school system. Dont be too envious. Technically, I'm only paid for 185 days which is spread out over 12 months. And I'm an interpreter, not a teacher. I am as highly qualified as a teacher has to be in my own field but I'm hired by a third party - not the school district itself, so they take their cut. That plus the FORTUNE i spend in sending two kids to daycare and the chunk that gets taken out for health insurance which covers just about nothing and I practically pay them to work. I know lots of people dont have jobs and i should just be thankful but it often doesn't seem worth the hassle to me. I work in a middle school, which is a tough age anyway, in an urban, low income area. It's like my very own Dangerous Minds movie. Well, maybe not quite but not far from it. I'm from a small town, middle class, predominately white. This is my 2nd year full time. I subbed 2 years before that. But this is my first year in the middle school and its been a culture shock. I'm appalled by the behavior i see. And the lack of discipline or its effectiveness. And the nature of my position is that I'm only there for communication purposes. I'm unbiased. I dont deal with behavior. But I see it all. And it takes a toll on me. Clearly, because I didnt intend to ramble on like this about it. The point is, I love interpreting. But i dont love my job. But its the only stable interpreting game in town and stable income is what we need right now while my husband finishes up his degree. So I cant quit. Yet. Hopefully when he's done, I'll be able to go back to sub interpreting.
Last year working full time and trying to stay on the right track with my health goals was just too much. This year, I have actually been losing, up until a few weeks ago, so that's a massive improvement. But lately I've been suffering from the same burn out and apathy that i had last year. It felt like all i could do to make it to Christmas Break.
Right now, knowing that I dont have to think about going back for another week and a half, I feel great. I wasn't even aware of how much the stress was affecting me until i realized how relaxed I am now. I hope the change of pace is enough to give me another wave of motivation. I havent actually worked out yet - its been probably over a week now but i did stay in my calorie range yesterday for the second time in like 2 weeks so... baby steps. i think the only two days where I'll have trouble is Christmas Day and New Years Eve. The rest of the time we dont really have anything planned. So I hope I'll be able to make good choices. And my hope is to do some batch cooking so that i have some stuff ready to go when i am back at work.
I finally went and got a few new outfits. My dad sent some Christmas money and Old Navy was having some really good sales. I got two pairs of pants and 4 sweaters for $100. The pants are size 12. They are a little snug but I havent even been able to zip up a size 12 in... i dont even remember the last time. high school most likely. I purposely got them even though they are a bit small so that ill be able to wear them longer. I didnt really want to buy pants until i lost more but progress has been so slow lately that who even knows how long that will take and most of my clothes are just not looking good anymore. So it was time. And I'm glad i did because I feel more motivated to get back on track so that those 12s will fit more comfortably than I've been in quite awhile. Also i got size medium in sweaters. Last time i bought sweaters at Old Navy, they were extra large so that felt amazing. I'm really happy about the whole experience. First time I went shopping and didnt LOATHE myself after trying things on in a very very long time.
So I think my Jan goal is going to focus on strength training. I hate strength training. I think I want to do some kind of daily abs thing. In addition to running, which ive been slacking on. I really want to get a treadmill. I got an elliptical last year with our tax return and I've been kicking myself over it. I debated between that and a treadmill and thought that i could never see myself running. How wrong I was! Now I would much rather run than get on the elliptical but I dont really like running outside at night and when its cold so ive been struggling to be motivated to go. And telling myself that if only i had a treadmill, it would be so much easier! So I might try to trade the elliptical. Or look for a treadmill on craigslist.
At any rate, I'm going to try to make good choices for the rest of the month and mentally prepare myself to get back into it full swing in Jan. Maybe my goal will be to comfortably fit into my size 12s by my birthday. I need to get organized, come up with a plan and be ready to kill it in jan. Time to refocus.